Im writing a book...Im in 9th grade and im doing this for fun so what do you think.constructive critizem pleze

October 20
Today like many other days was a beautiful fall morning and I knew that HE was going to be there.
Hi my name is Tiffany Frank. I am 15 years old and I am a freshman at Brentwood High School. Like many other girls I have many secret crushes. My biggest crush is on Scott Burns. Scott is a junior at Brentwood High. Scott and I have known each other since school started. He is in my lunch and gym class.
The only person I trust with my secret is my best friend, Prisca Manzana. Prisca and I have known each other for two years since she moved from Florida to Long Island, New York. She and I are almost like sisters. We like the same type of guys. When she saw Scott she had to agree with me that he was cute!
Luckily for me, today I had gum and that meant I got to see Scott Burns. Today since it was nice out we got to play badminton. Scott, Prisca and I were on the same team. Scott said hi to me and I felt like I was melting until Jamie came by and talked to Scott and asked him to walk with her to the nurses office.
Jamie, my ex-friend, hated me since 6th grade. This was because we both auditioned for a part in a play and I had received that part. Now Jamie was always out to get me. Jamie knew that I liked Scott so she was trying to get him to ask her out instead of me.
When Scott left and I stopped melting, I went to Prisca and she said 鈥渄on鈥檛 worry about it.鈥?The truth was I did worry about I really liked Scott and Jamie only liked him to get me mad鈥?I鈥檒l tell you something, I was mad!
The one good thing about Jamie going to the nurse is that she gets to go home. Now it was time for me to talk to Scott. The only problem was he was no where to be found. After a couple of periods, I finally saw Scott in the cafeteria sitting by himself. He looked up and saw me. He smiled, I just stood there and was amazed he even noticed me. Prisca must have noticed because the next thing I hear was her saying 鈥渉ello Earth to Tiffany?鈥?
After Prisca rescued me we went to where we normally sat. Now I wish I had smiled back at Scott. The lunch lady called us up for lunch, Prisca and I got up for lunch and I was concentrating too much on Scott I didn鈥檛 watch where I was going and I tripped and fell.

Of course this is not completed...i stilll have alot to put ... but what do you think?

First, good for you for writing. Keep it up. This is an excellent sample that could be developed into something great.

Great fiction has a basis in reality, as yours does; one of the reasons we writing teachers repeat the advice "write what you know."

Don't feel you need to make your fiction complicated. Simple can be just as good!

The essential ingredients are character, setting, and conflict. For each of these, you want some detail or description -- enough to interest the reader, but not too much more. Writing that contains to much "exposition" gets old fast. Writing that picks up the reader and carries him or her on a journey tends to have just enough detail to fire up the imagination, and not more.

You have some great characters already, and the setting is very real as well. These are good things.

What is the most important conflict these people will face in your book?

Is it the secret crush Tiffany Frank has on Scott Burns (the conflict evident in your sample)? We're hooked on finding out how this first conflict resolves -- what happens between Scott and Tiffany? We must know.

Or is it something else, something that this is a part of (she says she has "many secret crushes"), or something that hasn't happened yet (maybe the story is really about her next crush, or trouble at home, or growing up)?

Full-length fiction -the novel- tends to have a big overarching plot related to a particular conflict or conflicts, and then minor ones, obstacles, hurdles the protagonist (main character) and company must overcome that keep the story moving. As the writer, you'll eventually need to decide which conflicts are little and which are big and most important to your story. The difference will be in how much time your character spends dealing with the conflict. The whole story? Or just a few paragraphs? Maybe just a sentence?

Conflict may be annoying in real life, but it's the fuel that keeps a story moving.

I really believe you can do this, and I hope you will. Writers write. Writing is the most important part of the job. Don't let anything stop you from writing! Anything you've finished can be sold or published, it's just a matter of finding the right market for it.

Sign up for a free account on writing.com and you can get constructive reviews. It's my favorite writing site. When you do, email me there and I'll take a look at your work.

its an ok start, i would describe scott in detail and tell maybe a cute little story about the thing that made you first start liking him, and also tell more about the play that you beat jamie for, like the name of it, and maybe a certain conflict with you and jamie, but not to much

I think you need to improve on punctuation (instead of "...the next thing I hear was her saying "hello Earth to Tiffany?", it should be "the next thing I heard her say was, "Hello, Earth to Tiffany?"). Most of these can be improved via editing, spellcheck/grammar check in microsoft word.

I feel like the story is very dry; more description. Like "I was mad!". There's varying degrees of mad, elaborate and let the reader feel how you feel.

You put in a few kinda "weird" details that I don't know if they have any place. Like, what does you having gum have to do with seeing Scott Burns?

I think this could be pretty cool if you could just work on editing, elaborating on details, and reaching out to the reader.

Good start. Try to use more vivid detail. Jamie got you mad . . . . so really, just how mad were you? You want the reader to feel like they are experiencing your book, not just reading it.

Keep writing. Obviously, you love doing this and I think even if you weren't to get published, you have established a wonderful way to express yourself. This will help you so much in each phase of your life - -- - from college essays to writing complaint letters to the school board when your own child is in school, etc.

By the way, I hope you are changing names and you haven't actually used your own name and the names of others here on a very public place.

I'm 15 and I'm writting a story too, well...actually a novel. Although the one you wrote isn't really my type, I would say you should slow things down, describe a situation more in detail, don't just write what happened and move on, write some details in it, make every situation a joy to read. If you think thats too much, maybe cut down some of the happenings, so it's still the same length but better. Hope it helps!

Very nice. Keep writing!

keep on honey don't let any body destroyed you dream.don't stop stay with positive people please Hun. xo