Should she put grandma in a nursing home?

My mom asked me to ask this for her because she doesn't know how to use a computer. Right now, my grandma lives with my mom because she is too old (95 years old) to care for herself. She's lived there for three years now and my mom is at the end of her rope. My grandma cannot walk so my mom has to bring a wheelchair everywhere. She also has to help her bathe, dress, and use the bathroom. My mom said she feels burned out and exhausted from caring for someone so helpless. She has two siblings but they can't help because they both work outside the home 40 hours a week. My mom feels very guilty but she is considering putting grandma in a nursing home. Grandma has always said she refuses to live a nursing home and said that family has the responsibility to care for each other. What should she do?

i worked in a nursing home for eight years. it was a very good nursing home and we took excellent care of our patients. i would not think twice about putting my grandma in that particular home. but, as has been said, your mom should do her homework. check to see if there are any fines from the state, any lawsuits from patients or family, ask other people who have family in nursing homes and how they are treated. if you go into a nursing home and it smells nasty, leave. i don't care what the excuse is, if it smells like poo, they are not caring for the patients good enough. the nursing home i worked in did not smell. ask for a tour of the home she is thinking of, don't make an appointment, just walk in and tell them you are just looking for a home for your grandma. believe me, if you get a good home, your grandma will be much happier, even if she does not think so. a good home will have activities, exercise, beauty salon day, social things, ect. if you get a bad one, you will know the first time you visit. it is hard caring for the elderly, especially if you do not have the help of other family members. good luck

thanks alot. i am so glad it helped. good luck Report It

Put grandma in a nursing home with all siblings sharing the bill

Sometimes the best thing for the older person and the caretaker is a nursing home.

However....remember all nursing homes are not created equal. Your Mother should do her homework and insist that her siblings help financially. She's their Mother too.

Well would you want to be put into a nursing home?? I know it's tough to care for some one like that but in the end you always get rewarded. Why not bring a nurse in to the house to care for her there? That way you get help and she's still living at home. If she really doesn't want to go I don't think you should put her in one.

I think as much as it would cost to put her in a nursing home she could hire a home health aide to care for your grandmother. That way she will still be home but it would take the burden off your mother. Second choice would be to put her in a nice nursing home nearby where she could be visited often. You aunts and uncles are not helping or supporting their mom and your mother shouldn't feel bad b/c she is doing her best and have been for the past three years. I'm sure she has a life of her own she wants to enjoy.

Tell your mother she has nothing at all to feel guilty about. She has done more then most children will do for their mother. I assume your mother isnt in her twenties for sure, so lifting her and doing things for her, can cause your mother to get very sick herself. Countless times the person caring for the elder can get very sick. So find a home close enough to visit often and tell your mother to look after herself too. She should be proud she did all she could up to this point, She has no choice put Granny in a nice residence.

To begin with her siblings can offer some help as there are many more than 40 hours in a week. If 'grandma is financially able she could consider an assisted living facility. Most of these are much nicer than nursing homes. It is also possible to qualify your grandmother for home health care or possibly even a provider. There are options but even at best it is tough on all concerned. She may well be close to the point that the care you mother can provide will be inadequate and not in the best interest of your grandmother.

if u can employ a help who can take care of her and share yr mothers burden i guess this may solve the problem because anyway if u send her to a nursing home u hv to spend also but if this prooves to b too expensive as compared to nursing home i guess there shd b no guilt abt sending her there .u all can go and c her as much as possible.
take care.

you should put her in a nursing home. nusing homes are nice places and when people get older they like to be around people their age that they can talk about their past with. I think it is a good idea to do this. When my aunt was living with us she had cancer she was a great old woman but both my parents where under way to much stress so we sent he back to turkey where she could be with her friend where she grew up so I know from the parents point of veiw that you should send her away. I mean I was only 12 then and even I was losing hair over the situation so I would have to say: PUT HER IN THE NURSING HOME

Tell your mother she needs to do something, quick. Statistics show that your mother will die befoer your grandmother (from complications due to stress from caring for your grandmother). It is a real problem and should be addressed immediately! Your grandmother should be where professionals can care for her. Your mom can visit her every day all day if she wants, but she shouldn't be doing so much work.

Try to explain to grandma that your mom is not getting any younger and soon she will need caring for and who will do that. She needs far more care now than your mom can give, how would she feel if she was say moving her from her wheelchair to say her bed, slipped and fell dropping her on the floor and injuring her and she dies from those injuries how do you think your mom would feel then. She would feel terrible she would blame her self for her mothers death, and that is a terrible burden to put onto anyone. Do you see what I am getting at. No one wants to be put in a home but if that is the safest place and she is cared for far better. alternative perhaps for a little while. just so your mom can have a rest for a while.
AGONY UNCLE.

If there is no major financial issue then your mother should transition you Grandmother to a nursing home. We all are entitled to have healthy happy lives. You mother is no exception.

Your mom and her siblings need to sit down and explain to your Grandmother that as much as everyone enjoys having her around, your mother is physically not able to do it anymore. Nothing else need be said.

Once your grandmother moves to a new home, your mom will probably have more opportunities to spend QUALITY TIME with your grandmother . Also, just because your grandmother goes to a new place to live, that does not mean she can not come over for dinner or have a "sleepover" sometimes.

In the end, all of us will have to transition to different levels of care. Infants require specal care and so do aging parents. Your mom should not feel bad about it at all. Your grandmother will accept this eventually and probably be happier with other people to interact with.

My parents cared for my grandmother for several years in our home. It put a terrible strain on their relationship and eventually they came to the decison that it was best for ALL involved that they transition to something better for EVERYONE. Your grandmoter will accept this. Move forward in a postive way and make it happen. Everyone will thank you.

Your question is classic. We will all have to make a choice similar to your mom's. Are there any in home support groups available in your area? Always research any home before you and your mom make a decision. Definitely have everyone participate with costs and visits. Even if they are 10 min. at a time. Good luck and make an informed decision.

Your Mom should do her research on what homes are out here that would treat your Grandmother like she would. If your Grandmother has medical insurance it might cover the expenses.
Your Mom shouldn't feel guilty because she has done what she can. Sometimes family members aren't the best caregivers. We treat with our hearts not our heads.
The decision should be up to all family members not just your Mom. If the other sibling feel that they don't want to put her in a home maybe they can take her to their homes. But they all need to decide so that the all have a say.
We had to do that with our Mom who is 87 and it was the best thing we could have done. They have social interaction and we all go to see her more because there is no guilt.
Best of luck to your Mom.

how would you feel if your child out you in a nursing home? does that answer your question.

95 years old! that is wonderful.

caring for the elderly can be stressfull and depressing. there is no excuse as to why her siblings cant help. thats their mom too!!

ur mother could ask them to help out, if even for an evening, or an entire day.

we are all busy and would rather be doing something else when it comes to caring for someone who can not do for themselves.

i am opposed to nursing homes because ur grandmom has children, and granchildren, that can help out.

u and ur mom should sit down and write out everything that is involved in ur grandmother's care - meds, diets, grandma's sleep patterns, a proposed schedule, the whole nine. call all relatives (whether u think they will participate or not) invite them to a potluck/meeting and lay it all out for them - the good, the bad, the ugly. see who bites. and if folk are reluctant, press on, ask them if they would consider being a stand by person for one of the regulars. (i mean u two would really have to cover all angles before it is presented)

regardless of ur mom being home all day, its unfair to lay this burden on one person.

also tell ur mom to check what social services programs are available in her community that could send a licensed person to the home to bathe, feed, etc. also, there are services that will bring precooked meals to the home.

in the mean time, tell ur mom to hang in there and to keep her eyes on the prize. she will be blessed for her hard and loving work.

hire someone to come in and help take care of the grandma. It will be cheaper then putting her in a nursing home where all they will do is give her drugs until she dies. If you put her in a nursing home she will live about a year and a half at the most. I heard about a program where they will pay your mom to keep her at home. the other siblings can help pay for some help to come in I mean 3, 4, 5 days a week. where do you want to be at your moms age???You will get a lot answeres from people that will tell you to put her in a nursing home .. my answer may be the only one that does`nt.