Can my bf still be a good parent with my kids if he didnt take care of his 1st not planned daughter?

my boyfriend had a relationship with a bipolar person that ended in disaster from wich it survives a daughter, but hes distant and barelly sees the little girl, he helps with child support and he always visist her in all the holydays(her mom left her living with her grandparents. she just moved to another city and got married, had another baby) my bf lived totally hell with this ex, but when i come to ask him if we ever have kids together he says he will be different cause we are together. can he really be different with me and our future kids? eventhough he doesnt really take care of his 1st kid now? does it really make any diferences the way our relationship is compared to what he had with his ex regarding how his parents skill are going to be with me?

he tried really hard to be with his ex, but her ilness did everything impossible! and he s really traumatized from this relationship, im doing the best to help him to get out of this past. hes a very loving, honest person that carries a huge heart with morals that i have never seen before!

It's possible that he's learned from that experience and is ready to be a hands on parent. He does pay child support and he does visit her on holidays, so he hasn't abandoned her. While it is true that he's not parenting her, he's not in the position to. It's her grandparents house and their rules. When it's your kids in your house it is different. You and he will make the rules and enforce them. If your worried you can take parenting classes together. It would also be nice if his daughter could come for visits to get to know her father better. If you marry him and have children she will be their half-sister, so she is part of the family.

sweetie use your NODDLE and trust what your EYES are telling you. if he is barely taking care of the first and they are not together. he will do the same to you and your kid if you are not with him. the past usually predicts the future. HELLO. GodBless

So...based on his answer, the first thing I would have to ask myself is "what happens if we break up down the road?"

Will you then be stuck raising your kids with him alone because the two of you are not together? This is not a pie in the sky question, because as we can plainly see in our society, break ups and divorce happen ALL THE TIME, after couples, married or not, have kids together.

So is he going to be distant with these children then, and not take an active hand in raising them? This is serious stuff. Kids are not disposable commodities. They are human beings who need the love and consistant emotional support of both parents. Always. Not just once in awhile and on holidays and when it's convenient for the parent.

I would seriously consider waiting for a good long while until you have a long-term, stable relationship with this fellow and sit down to find out where you both stand on parenting issues with a counsellor before you even consider having children together.

Try this,
don't allow your BF to be responsible for your kids...you be responsible for your kids.
What went on in his past has nothing to do with you and personally I don't trust anyone with my kids no matter what.

Personally I would not take that chance. If you and him ever break up he will probably be telling his future girlfriends that YOU were a bipolar person.

If he was going to be a good parent, he would be a good parent to any child of his regardless of whether he is with the mother or not.