Why don't men care about wedding planning?

I know, tacky old cliched question. But, I was surprised to find that my fiance has absolutely no interest in helping me plan the wedding. I thought he would have some input, and now I feel sad because he doesn't care & says "big parties aren't my thing." I don't think a 50 person wedding is very big, and now I feel like why bother planning a wedding that we don't both care about? Any ideas on how to get him involved?

sorry, perhaps I should add that he upped it from about 25 to the current 50, and it's a really simple backyard tent wedding :) Hopefully not a fiasco!

The reason is two-fold:

(1) Guys, by nature, are not detail-oriented. We think strategically/long range so we see little details as trivial and not important to us.

(2) We just want to get married! Tell us when/where to show up for the tux fitting and when/where the ceremony is going to be. We know the details mean more to you than it does to us. We want you to be happy!

As for wedding size, a 50 person wedding isn't very big but it isn't a simple dinner party either.

If you want to get him more involved, limit the number of things you involve him in. Let him know that you will come to him only with decisions that you think are important!

If you are more selective, and he knows how important it is to you, he will be more likely to participate.

mostly, cos it is the brides day!!! and the groom is just a spare part.. so why care???

cuz its suppose to be the womans special day, and most of our input wouldnt be that helpful anyway, were just not that into or good at decorating stuff

probably cuz guys arent into the planning,shopping,etc.

Because it really comes down to between you and him. That is all it matters......wedding is just stressful hectic formal thing that you HAVE TO (required) do it........we want it simple cheap and easy as possible.

are you sure he wants to be married? Ask him to help you pick out the paper napkins...l脰l

Because it is boring to us

Have you told him how much it is going to cost? That might pique his interest, unless your dad is paying for it.

50 ppl wedding is not small either.
:)

he does care - but he knows how much women love it and has let you enjoy every little aspect of it.
it also isnt very "manly" of them to be so involved and interested on "womenly" - "feminine" stuff that they call it...

keep in mind that this man loves you and he is proving it by marrying you.
man, just enjoy the fact that you can pick and chose and organize yourself.....

just enjoy :)

good luck as well

Possibly could it be because a wedding gets turned into a HUGE fiasco and blown way out of proportion?

Add to that, it becomes a huge and major source of stress, expense and added complication at a time when none is needed.

Lastly, weddings have become fixated on how special and important it is how the woman feels, and noone gives a rats pattootie about how the groom feels. Seriously. Think about THAT.

Under these circumstances, if neither of you care, DON'T. Elope and use the money to start out....help buy a house, start a nest egg or whatever. There are great elopement weddings out there. I found one for about $700 that included 3 nights at a B&B, 2 romantic dinners, a wedding cake, the ceremony, bouquet and appetizers for 10 guests. Think of the amazing honeymoon you'd be able to afford with something like that.

For $1250...you can elope to Otani Beach in Hawaii. http://www.kaimana.com/weddings/2006_ind...
E Pili Kaua "Let's Be Together" Wedding Package

Wedding ceremony in the beautiful Sans Souci Room or the Imperial Lanai.
Non-denominational minister to perform
your ceremony
Briefing with hotel staff upon arrival
Two tropical fresh flower altar decorations
Fresh leis for bride and groom
A chilled bottle of champagne for toasting
Two nights Ocean Front room accommodations
Special rate of $235.00 plus tax for additional nights
Fresh pineapple welcome amenity
Package Price $1,249*

I'll bet your fiance would LOVE that! That's just one of many elopement packages available. I'd highly suggest something like that.

cos its really isnt such a big deal they dont really care ha ha woman care to much man care to little something inbetween would be perfect balans well ask it the IT

Try to think how you would feel if he wanted your input on overhauling a car........... My husband and I had this fight years ago and he told me "if you wanted a feminine man your should have looked further." I sort of bothered me until my oldest daughter got married and her husband was way too involved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everything she came up with her had a fit and things had to be revamped. I actually came home and told my husband "thank you" for letting me plan our and not interfering. It is more of a woman thing it truly is. Good luck but do not be hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because he just realized that you're going to be making all the decisions for the rest of his life.

Because it's her day!

I 100% feel the same way your fiance does. The whole thing seems so silly to me, almost makes me giggle when I see a big fancy wedding. Or those queer little "finger foods" that they serve at parties, so gay & pointless that I just want to throw them around everywhere.

Luckily for me, my wife didn't care about wedding planning either so her mother took care of ALL of it!! We were so lucky.

you gotta find a way to get him interested in planning the wedding with you.....if he's gonna make the committment to propose to you then he should be able to help you plan the wedding.....let him know that this isn't about a big party, this is a small union to witness two individuals basically start a whole new chapter of their lives.....try to get him into things that he would probably be happy to help with.....such as the scenery of the room.....the tuxedos.....man stuff....reception food (we really love that) music.....if that doesnt work hire a wedding planner so that he could at least look over things with you....

Well he should be interested!!! A partnership is 2 people not 1!! Maybe cut the guest list down if he doesn't want it to be a 'big' thing (in his mind 50 is obv big!). Have a chat with him about how he pictures the day, who he wants there, and go from there. Also, if you tell him that his ideas are really good and you love his suggestions then you might get more out of him! (That's how I play it with my bloke anyway!) xx

When you have to shop for flowers, invitations, so on so forth....tell him ahead of time...tell him not to make any plans and that you would really appreciate if he do this with you.

If he tells you "big parties arent his thing" ask him how he would want this wedding....Does he just want it with just the immediate families?

This one is easy. be very happy that he's not participating in your wedding planning, imagine how many arguments you'll have, you would not have a wedding. Guys don't like to get involve in details, what color is the flower going to be, or the cake or the napkins, save yourself the troubles and be happy that all these choices are yours therefor the end results will be to your liking. Ask him where to take your car
to fix or fix your computer not to plan a wedding.
Would you want him to ask you to change his tire....

It's not that the guy is not interested, it's that some of the male input is not quite in line for a wedding plan. If i put in my input, fifty people 'aint bad but I'd have the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders lined down the aisle in the MetroDome with the Notre Dame Fighting Irish band playing the wedding march along with the school song and President Bush to give a speech in his own particular style just for the laughs.

Men are not into details, we are into the big picture. The man cares about getting married to the woman he loves. The other details are yours--the wedding day belongs to the bride--and the grooms want their brides to be as happy about their wedding day as they are about their wedding night. (winkwink).

dont feel bad, weddings isnt really a guy thing. my dad is getting married, also invited 50 ppl, and he doesnt really care as much as his fiance. if it was for guys,they would just sign the papers and just go on with their lives. but then i again i shouldn't really speak for all guys. but the majority dont really care. just watch how much ure spending.

most guys don't want to participate cause its your day and they don't want to do anything that you don't want to that's at least what my fiance told me but find something he might like like the food the cake or maybe just give him options like would you rather have a DJ or a live band, a buffet or served dinner and then have him explain why and hopefully he might feel like you really want and care about his opinion

Let's be rational and reduce the problem to the lowest common denominator. It's us guys. I'll admit it. We bounce around in the cage, and squeeze the tire together. You've yet to catch us at the repulsive things that we're really capable of. Wedding planning is the drive to the motel. We're happy when we can slamb the door, and beat on our chest and swing from the shandilliers, while shedding our clothes. While others clap and smile, we're in party mode. Sensitive guys take their time, and last through the formalities. Hopefully, yours is patient enough. This is my opinion.

Because usually guys haven't been dreaming, hoping and planning for a wedding since they were in 7th grade.

Usually you don't want the guys help unless he's really artistic. It's usually the brides big day, and not the grooms. He just wants you to pick it because it's your day. I don't know, my brother is 24 and is getting married in 10 months, yet he's different. He wants input on EVERY aspect. The only things he doesn't know about is the flower girl dress, the bridemaids dresses, and the wedding dress. It's great he wants to know and all, but it gets VERY annoying.

I planned a good deal of my own wedding. Men and women differ when it comes to the details. I care that the wedding would be nice, but she cared about the details about the flowers. I was just happy they looked nice. I found the florist, and as long as she thought they would look nice I was happy. There were details about linen that a man does not care about. I cared about the budget, finding a nice place to have it and letting professionals do their job.

Ask him what he means by "big parties aren't my thing", maybe he wanted to elope. Maybe there is something he doesn't like and does not want to rain on your parade.

Well, sounds as though you have gotten one with a healthy, good testosterone level! Be thankful for that! Would you really want your guy choosing the colours for the gowns, and being particular about what flowers he wants, and how they should be arranged? Run all decisions by him, he should be helping decide on the ceremony, reception location, food - and what he and the groomsmen will be wearing. Other than that, the two of you just need to go through your budget together, to make sure you are keeping within the guidelines of what the two of you can afford, and that's enough...

Some men do, some men are very involved, I guess it was just the old fashioned way that the women did the planning. Give him little jobs to do, things that are considered "man things" have him research cars to take you to the church/registry, or ask him to sort out the music etc, he may be more enthusiastic if he has set jobs to do, a lot of men do not know what is involved in planning a wedding so he just may not know where to start.

Have him go register for stuff for him and give you the store information. The idea of him getting GUY GIFTS...gives most guys a lift. Also make sure there is food at the reception he LIKES!