I no longer care about planning my wedding?

I wanted a destination wedding from the beginning I have always invisioned getting married on a white sandy beach by the clear blue water, not in Pennsylvania. However, his family had complained because they would not be able to attend. We did plan for a nice ceremony & reception however, it was a strain on our finances and I was being told by my family that I was trying to plan a Champainge wedding on a beer budget. 2 months ago,we decided that we would go get married by a JP, which was fine with me, now my fiance has now decided(with the help of his mother) that he wants to have a wedding. I was more excited about going to the JP than going out shopping for a wedding gown. I basically turned over the planning to him because I don't care. I have the attitude of tell me when and where I need to be on that day. Am I being selfish? Is it strange that I don't have a slight bit of interest in my own wedding planning? Has this happened to anyone else?

Hi. Yours is one of the saddest posts I have read. The answer to your question lies in the first sentence of your statement......"I wanted a destination wedding from the beginning......I have always envisioned....."

Why are you uninterested? Because YOUR dream is no longer the kind of wedding you are having. You need to sit down with your fiance and TAKE BACK your wedding. Otherwise, it will be a sore spot with you for years to come. You will not have a happy memory of your wedding (even though it may have been nice), because you did it for others and not yourself. Why don't the two of you do your own "destination wedding" and leave everyone else home. When you get home, then you can have a bigger reception IF that is what YOU want.

Take back your wedding NOW before you regret it. Good luck!

too much interference from the families. I think it has gotten you depressed. Maybe you should talk to your finacee about going back to the original plan and elope. they are all being selfish and it will harm your life if you start out depressed in the marriage.

Why don't you go ahead with your plans of a destination wedding and have it only be the two of you. Then when you return home have a large reception dinner announcing your marriage.

Yes, I was not in love. I did not get married.

Why dont you consider is a good chance to have a nice wedding, remember it could be the olny time you do it. Put a smile and start the planing.

Your disinterest in wedding planning began when you weren't able to get what you envisioned. Your wedding day should be something that you are excited about and look forward to. That will only happen when you follow your gut instincts or intuition. You are not being selfish in wanting that white sandy beach wedding. If you don't go for it, not saying it has to be the most extravagant platinum type wedding, you will regret it.

One of my friends who is from Alaska planned a destination wedding in Hawaii and her family complained about not being able to attend but a year later on her wedding day do you know who showed up? The very ones who complained plus 40 family members. After the wedding, they were so happy to have come and her cousin is now planning a destination wedding of her own.

I'm not sure if you envisioned Hawaii (if you do message me because I got married there and lived there for over 20 years before moving to Pennsylvania recently) but go for your original vision. Then you'll be able to get excited and you'll care.

Also... You could have a very small beach wedding and have a professional videographer tape it. Then have a larger reception back home. During the reception, you could have a slideshow showing the two of growing up, then as a couple and finally show the video of your wedding ceremony. That way you could have the best of both worlds -- your perfect ceremony and reception with all your family + friends.

I think you need to postpone the wedding.

Sounds like you are being accommodating to everyone . . . except yourself. You are important too! It sounds like none of your needs or wishes are being met.

Sounds like there is a bit too much in-law interference going on here. The only way to stop that is for your fiance to be a man, and tell his family to back off . . . allowing the two of you to do the wedding planning as a couple.

If your fiance is not capable of doing this, then perhaps he is not mature enough to marry???

Please give serious thought to postponing. Or even canceling. Misery is being married to a mama's boy, I promise you.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you having a beach ceremony! Ask your fiance if it is more important to have you there or have his mom there at the wedding? If the answer is mom, you know what you need to do.

Good luck to you.

you are going to be very unhappy if you let everyone take control of what is going to be one of the most special days of your life. have a talk with your fiance about what is best for both of you. this is a trial run for marriage. if you can't work this out then you should think about postponing the wedding. and if your fiance is able to disregard what you want and do only what his family wants then imagine what married life will be like.
i think you should have the destination wedding. since you'll be saving so much anyway why don't you pay for part of the trip for your honored guests, like parents or siblings. then when you return have a reception for everyone else. you could have a video of the actual ceremony playing somewhere at the reception site. keep the reception simple, like a cake and champagne reception and maybe a few other desserts.
you are not being selfish. you need to put your foot down NOW.

yes it does, but usually to men. talk to him. ask him WHY he wants to now have a church wedding. write down the pros and cons of everything. decide ExACTLY what you both want and then show each other your lists. decide what's important. the main thing is for you both to be happy. you have to both be satisfied or why do it at all? you're in love. think of how it used to be when you got butterflies and how you felt when OR IF you almost lost him. that's what i do. we had a semi small wedding. i did where a gown and i was excited to wear it. why aren't you? is there a reason? tell him! and don't, please don't get snippy about his mom or offend him. this is the biggest day of your life. but DO tell him that although you DO value her opinion, the wedding is for you and him only. you're doing it because you love him and he loves you. that's all that counts and whether or not you walk down the aisle in a beautiful gown (and you WILL feel beautiful I promise), or you walk on the beach with a preacher, or you go to the court house in church clothes, remember why you're getting married.

Sure, but I wanted to get married in a court house not a church and I didn't want a reception or any of that crap, but my fiance wanted differently and I said fine, if it makes people happy I can sacrifice one day. I'm allowing my mother and my fiances mother to plan the whole thing because I hate weddings and they seem to love doing this like it's exciting or something, so I'm just like you...tell me when and where to be.

Do the destination wedding like you want, and let his family throw you a party when you get back. Maybe once they see how much this will cost, they will back down and agree w/ your first plan.
If they agree on the party everyone can watch a dvd (you will have it taped) of your day. You all need to meet halfway, if his family gets their way on this, I'm scared of what they will do to you two when you have kids. They will fight about which Holidays you will be w/ them and so on. Seriously, do they want to see you guys happy one day or do they want it to be a lifetime of happiness for you both? Goodluck!!

The reason you feel indifferent to planning your wedding is probably because it doesn't feel like your wedding anymore. When you have something in mind and other people are constantly shooting it down, then it's kind of like, "well, why bother?"

A wedding day is a celebration between the bride and groom and those that love them, but it's also a day for YOU, not your future in laws. Your fiance needs to support YOU and YOUR wishes. You are not being selfish at all, you are just being run over by other people's ideas.

Stand your ground. You don't have to have a "platinum" wedding, but you can find a way to get what you want while still being able to afford it. I just hope you don't look back and regret not having the wedding that you always wanted.

Good luck :)

First off, no - I don't think it's strange or selfish at all! Hey, most guys are like that! I don't know many girls who've had a lot of input from their fiances aside from "tell me when and I'll show up." So if it's working for the two of you, then there's no problem.

That said, there's way too much influence from your families. Are they paying for it? If not, they don't have much say in it and the two of you need to sit down, decide what you want to do, and stick to that. You'll regret it later.

No, you are not being selfish.You should have what you have always envisioned. A wedding day is supposed to be what you want and a joyous occasion. Someone else said that perhaps you should postpone for the time being, and I agree. Most grooms just want to be told where to be and when, not the bride! But it appears that this man is controlled by his mother, which may very well cause bigger problems down the road. Also, he is not being supportive to you as his future wife, which for me would be a red flag. Good luck to you.

Get married in PA and go on your honeymoon to the white sandy beach where you 2 can have a private "wedding" with a photographer there to record the "ceremony."

You're not interested in planning it, because what YOU want for YOUR wedding day isn't being taken into account. I am VERY concerned that your fiance is willing to listen to his family (mother) and put her needs and concerns above his future wife's. This is a HUGE red flag, and does not bode well for your future relationship with him and your mil. If she's allowed to interfere in your wedding planning--what else will she be allowed to interfere in your lives. Remember, you and he will be your own family--not an extension of his family, or your family.

You need to have a good, 'ol fashioned, heart to heart with him. Explain how you feel about how what you originally envisioned keeps getting changed to suit the needs of EVERYONE except the 2 most important people in the wedding--the bride and groom. If you don't want to wear a traditional wedding gown, then don't! In short, please have the kind of wedding YOU and YOUR GROOM want--and if his mother doesn't want to come to it, then it's her problem--not yours, and certainly not your fiances! Trust me on this, I'm a mother, and NOTHING will keep me from one of my children's weddings--unless I'm in the hospital, unconscious or dead.

Good luck to you!

Have this conversation with your man and express that this is a day about the two of you and not about his mother. You all could still do your destination wedding and honeymoon and then return and have a reception for all of the family to attend. This day isn't about them, it's about the two of you and if you start out caving into his mother's wishes, she will be in your bedroom the rest of your marriage.

Now if she's paying for the wedding then she may be able to have some input, but if not, then oh well do what makes the two of you happy. Tell him to be a man and stop punking out to his momma.