How do you get a family member to assist with elderly care without creating a major problem for you or elder?

I have two brothers (older than me) that do nothing to help with care or costs for our mother. She lives in my home and I've provided care for over 10 years without their help. They have more income than I do, however, they refuse to help in the care costs or share with anything to help me financially or respite care. They have spouses and families. They don't do anything at the holidays or for her birthdays. I love my mother and will continue to provide care in my home for her for as long as she lives and I am able to care for her! They have missed so much with her and I guess the only way I can look at this is it's all their losses! Do you have any suggestions?

Call each of your brothers, tell them you will be bringing mom over for one month, and do not take no for an answer, drive to their home, act as though all is expected to mom, pull the suitcases out, and see your mom to her room, thank them, kiss mommy goodbye tell her you will see her DATE, tell them you need to go, find something to do, and leave, turn off your cell phone, and answering machine for one week , there wil be nasty messages. and keep driving do not turn around to see what has occurred
Message will come across loud and clear, no more asking you are now telling him he will help
It is a signal to ignore your insecurities and self-doubt
and also to fight back against any aggressors or oppressors
in your life, not physically, but with strength of
character and integrity.

Whether you are dealing with a lover or partner who bullies
or dominates you, going to your employer to say you are
being undervalued and are worth more, or refusing to be
tempted into behavior that you feel uncomfortable with
morally, you can harness your own inner courage and
strength to overcome such issues if you put your mind to it.

Courage is about proving yourself by improving
your own sense of self-esteem and self-worth.

Assertiveness, confidence and proactive action are all good
signs of harnessing your own strength and courage.
Cowardice, loss of nerve and inertia are signs that you are
yet to find that courage.

I was once told that the letters in the word FEAR stand for
鈥楩alse Evidence Appearing Real鈥? and the fact is that most
of what we fear never ever happens.

I would ask them for help once more. And if they denie you/your mother the help you both may need. I would write them off as their loss. And no longer speak to them about your mother needs. One day they will probaly regret not helping her.

Mrs. WC here.

Unfortunately, there's not much you can do other than pitch a rolling fit. That may not solve the problem, but you might feel better. :) Some children are just selfish and don't think about all their parents did for them.

I work with the elderly, and over the years, I've seen so many who were "dumped" in homes so they couldn't burden their children. Very sad to me. At least your mother has you. You are very blessed to be able to care for your mother and she is blessed to have you.

Sorry I can't offer more than that to you but you have my sincere admiration.

continue to do what you can for your mother.

it's been my experience that if you ask someone to do something that they don't want to; they won't do a very good job.
then you will have to do it over yourself.
caring for a family member can be stressful at times but you
will be the one with no regrets in the end.

Keep doing what your doing,you will have no regrets, they will.