My mom,grandmother?

my grandmother has moved back in with mom and mom if really not well enough to take care of all her needs,so i thought about meels on wheels having an aid come in and help because granny does not want anyone but mom doing a thing for her, she was hateful to mom as a child and is worse now, mom says she feels guilty if she doesnt help ,granny, can barley walk without aid how can i help mom so granny will back off yes i help clean cook and things but granny grips the whole time that it is moms job, she lived with my aunt for 9 months treated her like a queen,i dont understand this and dont understand mom taking it, i will help mom anyway i can but granny is breaking her down, i have even mention nursing home but got my head bit off by her, she is 86 years old and mom is 65 i dont want mom broken any thoughts for me?

You could help your mom by picking up her household duties so that she can focus on your grandmother. You could also try to connect with your grandmother so that she doesn't bother your mom as much. Ask your grannie questions about how life was when she grew up. I'm sure your grandmother has alot to say about what went on during the 30's, WW2, and what hardships she went through, school life, marriage, having children, etc, and she'd probably love the chance to tell her story. If she's hard to approach, you could just start flipping through old photo albums and asking about each picture, and then she'd fill in the story behind it. And try to ask your grandmother if you could assist her with anything, like refilling her cup of water, laying out her change of clothes, or helping her get up from her seat. She'll start to trust you more and become less relient on your mother.

I use to work in home health care and when I was younger I use to volunteer in a skilled nursing unit ( like a nursing home but was a wing off the hospital). The older generation are very set in their ways and just don't like people doing things for them because they want to be independent. Your grandmother probably feel like no one can do anything right but your mom. And your mom probably feels it is her responsibility to take care of her. Home health care may be a good way to start. A home health care agency can put some one in the home for a couple of hours to all day, for as many times a week as you want. Maybe you can start out with just a couple of hours maybe once or twice a week to get your grandmother use to someone coming in and it will give your mom a break. Maybe you or your aunt or someone can take your mom somewhere while they are there like shopping or out to eat once in a while. Good Luck

Check into your local home health care services. They come in and help. Obviously, you should not be the one doing this. When granny gripes that it is Mom's job just tell her, no, it's not or I wouldn't be here.

See if the aunt will rotate with your mother...like one take her for 3 months, and then switch off.

Take your mom out of the house once in awhile, just tell granny you'll be back in a bit and go catch a movie or have lunch. It'll keep you both from going nuts over granny.