Angry at father in nursing home?

My father lived out of state. He was kind of alone. I asked him to move by me. He had to have some rehab for a stroke. He was going to get the rehab where I live and then get an apartment. I thought we were going to have a good relationship. Instead he entered the rehab place and won't do anything they tell him. He now is in the nursing home portion of the place and as it appears, for good unless he changes his ways. He refuses to cooperate with anyone or anything. They offer him good help and he rejects it. I am very disappointed and angry at him for this. I did not bring him into my hometown practically from out of state for him to be in a nursing home. I expressed to him today how sad I was about how things turned out and he did not quite "get it". When I was saying how sad I was that he was in a nursing home, he thought I meant I felt sorry for him and said "thank you". I mean I was sad because his being in a nursing home was not part of the plan.

If he did what he was supposed to while there at the rehab portion, he would not be in the nursing home part. He refuses to do the necessary exercises to get back to walking (from the stroke), lays in bed all day, won't see the psychologist for depression and puts everyone down. I am so furious I could scream. Should I let him know I feel this way? How do you express this much anger without hurting someone? I am really hurt that he came here and only to refuse help! It is causing me alot of grief. I have to manage his affairs now. He was a terrible father growing up you should know. Very cruel and abusive. I thought this was our last chance. Thanks.

He is still controlling and abusing you, only do what you can for him and enjoy your life for abusers continue abusing. Only if you let them. My father was also an abuser and I let him carry on until I decided to take a stand and detach from him emotionally and take back my power. He died a very bitter lonely man and had no one but himself to blame. His heart was infested with hatred and bitterness and you can`t change people to how you want them to be for they will only change for themselves.Just look at him as a role model of who you never want to be like.

That can be very difficult. I worked at a nursing home as an aide for to years, and it was so hard to see those kind of people. Chances are, he's given up. Motivate him.

Ok. sorry, i understand now ... I still think you should talk to him, and maybe give him just a little bit of motivation, and try to be nice, even if he was not nice to you... some people get grumpy, you just need a little bit more of patiente. go to the nursing home and take something he likes, or play games with him.. that might help a bit......:)

Your dad maybe suffering from depression and I'm surprized a nurse hasn't recognized this or talked to you about it. It's ok to be angry, but at the same time, don't let your anger stop you from talking to him and trying to help. Another reason could be he doesn't understand. Strokes can cause an inability to be able to understand what is being said and trouble following commands. talk to his primary care nurse, and his doctor to get him help for his depression.

I think that you should tell him how you feel of course in a nice way because since he did have a stroke you do not want to cause problems or regret having the last words you said to him be rude or mean. You should tell him how you feel and that you wish he would cooperate so you could repair your relationship. Also if you think he is depressed you should try talking to his nurse or doctors about it and see what you/they/him could do to help the situation. Hope this helps!

I think he's suffering from depression & unless you've experienced it first-hand, you can't possibly understand how he's feeling. It sounds as if he's given up & is just waiting to die. Sorry to be so brutally honest but if you asked the doctors about his depression etc; and then did some research you would understand how debilitating it can be. Please try to control your anger with your father & just be there for him. He may respond to kindness.

Tough one, can strokes effect mental capacities? Such as is he able to understand that his behavior is why he is in the nursing home? It could also be that he is afraid to leave. I would confront him about it. Tell him how you feel and why you feel the way you do. I have a parent that is mentally diminished due to illness and its really hard to communicate with him, sometimes he just doesn't "get" why I am upset when he acts like he does. Talk to his PCP and nurse and see if they can run some tests to find out if it is biological side effect or psychological. That's where I started!

It sounds to me as if your dad may have some "conditions" that keep him from understanding things the way he used to. Are you aware if he has any mental disabilities that come with age? You didn't say how old your dad is. If he doesn't quite "get it", then there has to be a reason. Instead of being mad at him, ask his doctor what he thinks. What meds is he taking? You have to take all of these things into consideration. I wish you well.

Hey Reg.Guy, aging parents it is really hard. I have a similar situation with my husbands mom. She will not do anything but lay in bed and watch T.V. My husband and his sister were very angry because all this happened in a matter of a year. One thing that I told them that maybe will help you ... is that they were gaging a lot of her abilities on who she was and not who she is now. I had to convince them to have a little patience to assess what we ended up with from all the trauma. (She didn't have a stroke, it was a brain tumor) I know it is frustrating and in your case you might not have been emotionally prepared to do these things. Do you have POA? My mother in laws needs are consistently frustrating me since I oversee her care at a care home. But I often tell myself this is a short period in my life that will end at some point. It is hard to show compassion when you feel like the patient isn't even trying. But it is probably because you never experienced this before. Don't be hard on yourself and try to let some of things go, they will just feed into your anger and you don't need that.
And I really discourage taking him into your home it really takes an exceptional person to do that and I can say that I am not that exceptional.
I wish you well and hope that I was helpful.