How do you deal with a mean brother who is terminally ill?

My brother is 64 and in a Hospice dying of cancer, he orders me around and treats me terrible, he has always been this way with me, so it's not because he's dying.When the nurses or PSW come into his room , he calls them dear and is so sweet to them.I am the only one in my family who does anything for him and yet he continues to be snarky with me, barking out orders adn being abusive.I told him off on Saturday and left crying but he he thinks he does nothing wrong..He treated his wife the same way until one day she had enough and left..after 40 years.He has 4 sons..only one son is taking care of his affairs and he is at his wits end too..please help me to deal with this..any advice gratefully welcome.

I'm not sure if this will help, but if I was in your situation, this is what I would do!

First, good for you for telling him off. Tell him that "I don't have to accept this behavior" and just leave.

I would go back as usual and when he starts getting abusive just leave again, I would keep doing this a few times to see if he changes his behavior.

It will be his loss if you left completely. At least you did your best. You are not responsible for someone else's bad behavior and you can only change yourself.

He's not been ill all of his life and you say he's treated you this way for so long so no he can't say it's because he's dying. Since he is on his death bed you really don't want to turn your back on him at this point. However you can let him know that him being abusive to you is not helping you deal with the fact that he is ill. Tell him that it hurts you that he's not promised too many more days yet the two of you have never really had a loving relationship. Just show him examples of him being alone, his children, his wife and other family members avoid him. Just explain to him that once he's gone all the things that should've been said or needed to be said can't be said. Let him know you want to enjoy him while he's still around because once he's gone you can only love him from within.

You have a choice. Relate to your brother as he does to you and risk having regrets when he is gone or suck it up and leave nothing on the table. If one day you discover after he is gone that there was a reason for his behaviour and it is too late to make amends you will feel conflicted forever. Deal in the best way with your brother now and let his critisisms roll off your back. Let him know that you love him and when it's his time to go you can move forward in your life with no regrets.