Dad is dieng?

Ok my dad is dieing of cancer. He was an alcholoic and now has liver cancer. He is in a nursing home about 3 hours away from me. He has not been in my life for 10 or more years. Other than calling me from another rehab place once in a blue moon. I think in the past 10 years I have seen him 5 times. I love my dad very much. Part of me wants to go and see him, the other part of me does not. Because I do not want to see him like this. I want to remember him when he was healthy or at least not dieing. I have been writing him letters every week and call every other week. But each time I talk to him, he sound worse and worse. Hospice is involved now, they said that they are making him as comfortable as possible. My grandfather said that he could go any day now. Should I go see him? I am just not sure if I can stomach to see him like that.

It is not that I do not love my dad and that I don't want anything to do with him. I do love him and I do try to see him when I could. But I just do not know if I always want to remember him like this. As of right now I remember my dad healthy and standing up and smiling. I don't know if I want the memory stuck in my head of him dieing in a bed.

I work in a nursing home and I don't know how many times sons and daughters come in devestated b/c they didn't get to see thier father one last time. Seeing your father isn't about him, it's about you. If you think you may have regrets (which it definatly sound like you may) then I'd get up there ASAP. If not, then I don't think you'd ask this question.

go see him if u dont u might regret it later! Afterall he is your dad

Listen, he may have been a shitty father, but don't you think right now as he is laying on his death bed his life is flashing before his eyes. What he never got the chance to do or experience. Be the better person and go see him. So at least you'll be able to unselfishly help I'm in the only way you can right now. Let him see his daughter and say good-bye even if it means nothing to you. Trust me he knows he f*cked up and I bet if you go you'll have some closure.

as much as it would hurt seeing him, you should still see him and talk to him and learn more about him because you might regret it later if you don't go see him

Go see him. He's your father and once he passes you'll regret not talking to him more, not being with him, and not there for him enough. Even if you have doubts you'll feel much better once you visited him. If you don't do it for yourself do it for your father. Make him happy and be there for him. He doesn't have much time and the time left should be spent as happy and comfortable as possible.

Go visit him and I'm sorry to hear about your father.

There is a saying in the rooms of AA. Life on life's terms.
If you are having a difficult time seeing him in his present condition, the next time will be in a casket. Be brave and do the right thing. You will have possible regrets later on if you choose to not see him. Your father suffered under a very debilitating disease that left him in a state of helplessness. Try to differentiate the man from his disease.

I feel if you can't decide what to do.
The decision may soon be taken away from you, and you won't have a decision to make.
If you do go and then he dies, you would have said something to him face to face.
Letters and telephones don't allow you to hug your Dad.
To sit with him and smile at him, to look into his eyes, and tell him you love him. To hold him in your arms and weep tears of grief. This is all part of the process. Don't deny yourself or him this chance. It doesn't have to be just about his dying.
You will see him, importantly he will see you.
Maybe it is not about you.
It's about him
I would definitely go
Especially as he is geographically close too
People travel 1000's of miles to see people who are passing.
If you go you will have no regrets
If you don't go, you may.
Can you live with that.

there is no question visit your father for your sake I lost my father know had I not gone to him I would have regret it for ever I loved my father it was difficult to watch him die but we all were there for him remember you can choose your friends but not your family he must love you but found it equal difficult was his drinking an illness he struggled with he felt ashamed he could not share with you we all hurt the ones we love the most please go just short visits would mean so much

what you might end up remembering is how when he wanted to see you.....you didn't come....all that other stuff you mentioned is in the past....move on and see him before its to late...

Well, it's your call. He hasn't been present in your life, so you may opt not to be present in his passing. Don't feel guilty, ok? And don't let anyone make you feel guilty. You are being more than he deserves by calling and writing. You know no matter what that you love him and he, indeed loves you. Just couldn't handle the parenting part, due to his own issues. Why don't you videotape yourself and send it to your father. It can be sent overnight express. That way, he sees you, you can tell him what he means to you, and that you love him! Let your heart be your guide.