How Does a Daughter Cope With Finding Out Her Dad has Terminal Cancer?

We just found out not to long ago that our Dad who is 70 years old is dying of terminal cancer. We were told he had lung, pancreatic, liver, and kidney cancer. and it has covered his rib cage. He lives on morphine. He told me yesterday when I went to see him, that when you get old enough to think about life, you think about how you are going to live it and now he has to learn how to die. And I have been just sick in my heart since then. The doctor gives him 6 months to live, give or take he said. They transferred him from the hospital to a nursing home where he can be watched instead of going home alone. He wants to live his life out at home with a 26 yr old grandson watching over him. Dad's sister says Dad should stay in the nursing home, even though they offer Hospice here and this is what Dad wants to do, his sister is against it. Dad will have a nurse come in 3 times a week and a NA the other days and someone is available 24/7, a phone call away. What should I do?

Well, I thank you all for your comments, I appreciate them all. The nursing home staff and Dads nurses don't think Dad should be home, even with a grandson there with him. Dad has already been rushed to ER by ambulance from the home because he was spitting up blood. He was in ER for about 5 hours. He is back at the home now and hospice told him that if he goes and lives away from the nursing home that he will not be able to run to the ER whenever he wants. So he has made the decision to stay where he has round the clock care with nurses. Or so what that is what they tell me.

How does a daughter cope? My own father died at the age of 71 from prostatic cancer with mets to the lungs. I coped by going through anticipatory grieving and by doing all I could for him while he was still alive. We had talks during this time (while he was still able to speak) that we'd never had in all the years before.

Spend time with him. Talk to him. There's nothing you can't talk about now. Listen to him. Look at him. Tell him you love him, tell him you'll miss him. Talk about death and dying. Talk about life and living. Cry...a lot. Pray to God for strength and courage for all of you. You will cope with his dying. It's his death that will require more from you.

My sisters and I dealt with my dad's dying in different ways. I was the one who had no regrets later. So I guess that's how a daughter copes. Spend this time you have left with your father in such a way that you will have no regrets. Remember...no regrets.

i think you should try to make his as comfortable as possible. try to make his last days as enjoyable (not the right word, i know) as possible. spend as much time with him as you can. if he wants to stay home as opposed to going to a nursing home, let him stay home.

both my mom and I both went through that. my grandpa died before I was born. my dad is completely cancer free. I'll be praying for you and you need to pray for yourself. make sure you get quality time with your dad research this, and go on with your life. thats all you can do.

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I just went through this not long ago. I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. My Dad wanted to be at home too. That's all he wanted. There are pro's and con's to both. Our goal was to get him home and we did. I personally would try to accomodate his wish but I know it will be a lot of worry on the family. Will his grandson be living with him? If not, he should get one of those emergency alert bracelets in case he gets weak and falls. Perhaps a social worker can help you with the options. My happiest memories for my Dad are remembering how happy he was to be at home again. Enjoy him while you can and visit him often. Make an effort to spend time with him. I'm so glad I did. My thoughts and prayers go out to you all.

if you make the decissions for you dad do what he wonted. let him stay at home if thats what he wonted.and his grandson agrees take your dad home. dont have that on your mind after he dies.i let my dad die in a nursing home by lisenting to my sisters dont make the same mistake i did,,

Let him live his life where is most comfortable. I had a friend who died from childhood cancer (I am 16, and a cancer survivor) and she was on hospice and lived longer than expected, I believe it is because she was at home and where she wanted to be surrounded by loved ones and not in a hospital or nursing home with strangers.

http://www.cancertutor.com/

when i was 16 me and my sisters and brothers found out my dad had terminal cancer. he died that year and was only 49. we visited his gravesite and remembered him the way he was. we didn't hold any pain because we knew he would've wanted us happy when he was gone. now, over 10 years ago, we still remember him, the way he was, and happier than ever.