If two parties agree that their marriage is over, is it adultery if the male pursues another relationsip?

I met a man recently (about a month ago) who seems to be very up front and honest with me. He told me he was married, which I already knew. He told me he has one son and his wife recently had twin girls, but he is not sure if the girls are his.

Over the past month we have been talking and slowly becoming friends. I knew that he was developing a crush on me and I on him, but I respected his marriage and didn't say anything about. Then one night he kissed me.

Even before the kiss, we both seemed to be very open and honest with each other. He knows I have a daughter from a previous relationship and was quite heartbroken to find out after becoming pregnant that my daughter's father is married with a daughter (he told me he was single with not children). He told me that he and his wife have talked about getting a divorce because the relationship is not going to work. He told her as soon as she stops nursing and returns to work he is filing papers.

is this adultery?

By the way:

The one kiss was the first and last time we kissed. I feel extremely guilty but I need to say, I didn't kiss him. He kissed me and I pushed him away immediately.

I did tell him I would be friends with him but nothing more.

We have both agreed since the night of the kiss to keep everything platonic. If the feelings are still there after his divorce then we figure out what to do then.

Ultimately, we are just friends yet I've never been friends with a married man before who was not my friend before he married. I am at a loss at what is right and wrong now.

This is funny! I am sorry, I am from Michigan and the similar thing happened to me. With a man that had twin girls and a son. Anyway, to make my story short, men who cheat lie. Ask his wife, and if he is not happy in the marriage why is he in it to begin with!!!!!! He should be out divorcing her rather than finding women to date. You are better than that, find someone else that can treat you with respect.

If all he says is true, ask to speak to the wife to see if she truly believes "it's over" otherwise, yeah, standard lines from a married man wanting a piece.. sorry, hun.

Yep, it sure is. It's technically adultery until the divorce is final, but at minimum he has to be moved out and papers filed before it is considered acceptable to be seeing him.

He most likely is stringing you along....in hopes of getting what he can from you. I am willing to bet that he really has no intentions of leaving his wife...It will cost him dearly! You should stay away from this man unless and until he is divorced.

Until he is divorced, it is adultery. He has brand new babies...I'd stay away from him if I were you.

Yes.

First, all you have is HIS word for it. He has admitted he's married and hasn't even filed paperwork yet. You've already been through this once, and you want to risk it again?????????

Tell you what: go ask his WIFE if it's REALLY over.....that will tell you the WHOLE truth and nothing but the truth. If you trust him, and he's being honest, that shouldn't be a problem.

Otherwise, don't so much as LOOK at him until he can produce FINAL divorce papers signed by both of them.

Did you not learn your lesson the first time?
You are repeating yourself only it's a different man but still married. Married men are to be avoided, married men will lie, married men who cheat will cheat on you.
You do not have platonic relationship you are heavily invested emotionally with this man.
Get you head together you have a child pay attention to what is and stay away from .".if only".

The question isn't whether or not this is adultery, it's whether or not it's a good idea, and it isn't.

First of all, even if the guy is really about to leave his wife . . . he is about to leave his wife right after she gave birth to his babies. What kind of guy does that???

Second, you have only his word that they are splitting up. Ask his wife if you want to know the truth.

Third, even if he and his wife are both unhappy and both agreeable to the divorce, you are signing on for a guy with three little kids who hasn't learned anything from the breakup. It takes time after a breakup to figure out what went wrong and people who don't take that time almost always keep repeating the same mistakes. So, unless you want to be the next "oops", move on before things go any further.

You should wait until his divorce is final.

For safety reasons.

1. He could be pulling the wool over your eyes, and at anytime choose to stay in the marriage.

2. He could be lying about everything.

If he's being honest, then he shouldn't have a problem with waiting until his divorce is final.

Stay friends, but don't push it any farther until he's taken the steps to proving his marriage is over for good.

if you are legally married technically yes it is..but adultery is not recongnized by the courts for a reason to divorce

try to know the facts 1st before stepping in to a relationship with this man sweetie.i did'nt had an idea that i was actually entering an adulterous relationship with my ex bf before until i discovered too late that he was actually married to the mother of his then 4 year old daughter(he claimed he only sired a child with her,didnt married her at all & the child was left to his care when she's only 2 months old).yes,they were technically seperated then but their marriage is not annulled & neither did they had a legal seperation(sorry,divorce doesnt apply in philippine law but annullment is the nearest equivalent).i was single way back then.

better do some homework & collect the facts 1st before you decide on whether you are willing to go on with this relationship & if you really are feeling good about this adultery thing(is it or isnt it?) weigh the pros & cons.

the idea when getting to know someone who is, or will be, going through a divorce is to treat him like you would your brother. you can be best friends with your brother, but most women wouldn't kiss their brother on the mouth or have sex with him. I see no reason why you can't continue to be his friend, but keep it clean. it can be considered adultery until the moment the divorce order is signed. not only that, but if he wasn't really going through a divorce, would you want to live the rest of your life thinking you were the reason for his divorce? I wouldn't. only do with him what you would want someone to do with your husband should your marriage be on rocky ground. that way, you can live with your conscience, knowing you are not at fault. when, and if, his divorce is final, then he will be free to pursue a relationship with you, and not until then. good luck keeping those tigers at bay!

audultry until the divorce is final

there is nothing wrong with being friends - you just need to make sure you keep it like that, he could be tricking you.

yeah its headed towards adultery. I think you know exactly what your doing, especially with your past with a married man.
What if you were the wife here, would she think this is an innocent friendship? The word Homewrecker comes to mind.
As for him, what a player and you believe him? He is married with 3 children, what a jerk! Whats wrong with you?

I cant tell you what a huge train wreck you are running into. First of all he had no right in any kind of way becoming so close to you. As soon as you found out he was married you should have kept all interactions with him very limited. You know the signals when a guy is interested. He is such a dog he is trying to make it sound like his wife had another mans kids why does it sound like that is not the problem, but the fact he has a wife is the problem. If he wondered if they are another mans children get D.N.A.. He had to find a way to make you feel sympathy for him. But where is your head you have been dogged by one man and left with a child, you should know how his wife will feel after giving birth to twins he is walking out on his family. Its not adultery until you start having sexual desires and feelings towards a MARRIED MAN by the way what comes around goes around.

I wouldn't be looking for a future with thisguy. All the signs point to a guy who is married and looking for apiece on the side. At least you didn't fall into that trap , but beware, he is likely to be back if he thinks you will settle.

It's not wrong for you 2 to just be friends. Is it a good idea, well that's whole 'nother question. You've already kissed, the chances that nothing more will happen are pretty slim. HE said that he is getting a divorce, but you have no idea if that is really the truth. His wife could think that everything is fine between them. After all she just gave birth, obviously not all that long ago their relationship was going strong.
Basically the kiss was cheating, you 2 having a platonic relationship is not. However, I don't think that it's a good idea. Even if he gets a divorce eventually & the 2 of you start a romantic relationship, do you really think that you could ever trust him? I mean he cheated on his wife with you, what's to stop him from cheating on you when someone else he's interested in comes along? In my opinion you should stay away from this guy all together, eventually he'll cause you pain.

This situation is adultry. And what's worse is that I think this guy is totally trying to get over on you.

By the time he leaves his wife it will be 2008. Most women breast feed at least 6 months. And it may take another 3 - 6 for her to find a job. Think about it.

Don't invest in this guy. Let him know that once he's filed those papers and has separated from his wife to give you a call. And don't hold your breath.

I think if its over with the man and his wife and you all talk about it. and you like him, go for it. go on dates. have fun. spend time together.but if he wants a divorce why does he have to wait. he could move out. dont feel bad if you want to spend time with him your not the married one. if he sees it as over, your not doing wrong by the wife. dont let yourself miss out on a good chance. just maybe dont sleep with him til everything with the wife is over. defently stay friends.even if you dont want a relationship with him.

Yes, it is adultery until the divorce is final. And I suspect that divorce will never come.

This same scenario happened to me more than 30 years ago. The man involved told me pretty much the same things your crush is saying to you. Apparently that still works.

I made my own mistakes when I was young and stupid, but I still wonder at the number of women who willingly sign up for the misery of being involved with a married man. There is nothing more corrosive to a woman's self esteem.

I don't think the question should be "is this adultery?" but "should I keep seeing this man?", to answer to which would be NO.

It's not adultery. Yet.
You're flirting with danger. Tell this guy that whatever he plans to do with his wife is none of your business. Tell him that the twin girls are certainly his until he has a DNA test. He's telling you that because he doesn't want you to think you'd be screwing around with a man whose wife just had twin babies and he's leaving her at home with newborns to scout out someone to screw around with.
She did (just have twins) and he did (just go out looking for a little action outside his marriage.)
Tell this guy that married is married. What an ***. When he files papers to divorce his wife, just what is his complaint about the marriage going to be? 'The relationship is not going to work'? Is that legal terminology for 'I'm bored with the sex I'm getting at home'?
No, no, no. Don't try to paint lipstick on this pig to make it look prettier. This guy's as honest as any other horny guy haunting the bars on a Saturday night. If you hadn't pushed him away when he kissed you, he'd have had you then and there, no matter what he had to go through to get you out of your clothes. What a dog!

It is adultery until they are divorced.

you are the typical mistress. this is how it all starts. this man just had twins. he is not going anywhere no time soon. and you need to cut all ties with him. if you cant be friends with his wife than you damn sure dont need to be friends with HER HUSBAND. give me a break Ms. Naive and believe everything this man is telling. he is setting your butt up emotional and once he has that he will be in your bed. than getting up leaving to go to his WIFE and KIDS. leave this man alone. his LYING to you. i bet my baby boy that this man doesnt file papers to divorce. ask him how many times has he cheated on his wife or how many platonic friends do he have. he is a joke and your are the punch line. let that man be a husband to his wife. leave him alone. once he "divorce" her than he is free to be with you. but until than cut your ties. GodBless.

yes it is adultery, i should know i was married to one, he told several people we were separated or divorced, he just forgot to tell me. i found out the hard way when his girlfriend called "to see if he was alright" she claimed not to know about me for a while but i guess she was to stupid to figure out that she could not come over to his place until i went to the grocery store or on vacation with the kids p.s. he refused to do either with me.

its hard to say bcuz how do u know he isnt lying to u....if everything he has said to this point is the truth than yeah its cool bcuz u have already set ur limitations., not many women these days do that I truly commend u for that and i hope all works out well 4 u
good luck :o)

either way it is but on both of you because you both made the decision to have a divorce

Well in my opinion if a man or a woman is still married, and h/she meets a stranger and becomes good friends ... and if it's physically and emotionally involved then is adultery. The worst part about it is if the person who is not married is consider seduction to a married man and that's the biggest sin anyone can commit. I wouldn't done it until the final divorce. I won't even look at a married man until I have a divorce. That is just my opinion. So good luck with that!

its wrong until hes free how do u really know their marriage is over will he do it with u to an cheat

Yes

i admire you so much for being honest with yourself. it is true that your friend is committing adultery because the definition of adultery is a relationship with another woman not your wife. if he were divorced it wd be ok.

the two of u have not slept together but he is committed to u emotionally, attracted to u physically. he is having an emotional affair, which can be even more devastating than if he just had 'no strings attached' sex with u.

keep it platonic till he actually leaves her, and try to keep it platonic for a while after that or else u'll become the 'rebound fling' and he will dump u too.