Is there really a male midlife crisis? Is it just the excuse to cheat?

So he's got a loving, devoted wife and family. He's consistently fretting about hair loss, weight gain, .etc...already bought the sports car. Even though I was giving him reassurance and trying to make him see himself as I did, I believe he thought he was no longer attractive to other women. The first woman that paid him attention, he cheated with. I have no idea how long it was behind my back, my trust was unwavering. He just called home one day and said he wasn't coming back and subsequently moved in with this nurse from work and her four kids. Its like we were "EXCHANGED" for a new family. After 8 years with this man, I KNEW him inside, outside, good side, and bad side. He always had high morals and values. Lifetime military man. WHAT THE HECK MAKES A MAN TOTALLY CHANGE HIS ENTIRE PERSONALITY????????????

I've had a man my husband's age, married, he's my jeweler, he told me that midlife crisis is BS that men use to excuse unexcuseable behavior. He said if my husband was "going through" something he should have talked with me about it or even suggest couples therapy if he didn't know how to tell me. So MEN opinions???

Yes, it does happen. My husband had one about a year and a half ago. It happens and it may get worse before it gets better for you. My husband moved in with a coworker. Needless to say it was devastating, but I filed for divorce and that's when things changed for us. He expected that I would always be at arm's length because I loved him so much, which I did. But after a few months of the situation I couldn't handle it any more. He left her, she became a psycho that reeked havoc on our lives for awhile, but we are back and he's got his head on straight. It's been a long journey, but he has been willing to do whatever it takes to make things right with me.

What helped me the most was the support of friends and family, counseling, and church. I tried to really keep it together in front of him, but I was a basket case in a lot of ways.

If you feel your marriage is worth salvaging, hang in there and be strong and supportive. I kept telling him that he was going through a ML crisis, which he denied until much later.

I found these sites extremely helpful:
http://midlifeclub.com/
http://ojar.com/
http://drphil.com/articles/category/5/21

I'm so sorry!
Yes it definitely is a mid life crisis be prepared for him to come crawling back it won't be long

Apparently you don't really know your husband and I am so sorry to hear that he left you for someone who has kids and four at that! I suggest you talk to him and ask the reason of his actions. You might get hurt but you will find closure in knowing what went wrong between the two of you. It will help you heal in the long run. You might not believe this right now but in time you will. Good luck.

Been there--but after 24 years!
They see their mortality looking back in the mirror, and need to feel better--which usually means a new woman & a new life.

I am thrilled every time I hear that MY exhole is not any happier---because I am a HUNDRED times happier than I EVER was with him!!

Some men just can't be real men....

I am sorry for what you are going through.

Perhaps there was something always bothering him that you did not know about. Perhaps things were not as good for him as they were for you. Perhaps he just could not resist something 'new'. Perhaps something just changed in his brain. Clearly his loyalty was not at the same level as yours.

You need to move on now. You can't change another person - whether they are your spouse, parent, or child. He has made his decision.

Good luck to you. Be strong, take care of yourself, take care of your children, and always be proud of who you are.

In a sense I think we women have it easier. We are hormonal on a monthly basis. We freak out and then it goes away.

For men, they hold everything inside. What I have noticed is, many men go through a change when they turn 30. I think that's the point they realize they are no longer "young." But because they become distinguised and because they are usually making good money, their freak out is minor. But then once they are married and have kids, they go through other changes. Unfortunately, you got the raw end of the deal. It's too bad your husband didn't find another hobby, rather than cheat.

I'd blame it on testosterone.

well we can't blame age he is just a middle aged adulterer, i would never take back any man who cheated, I could never trust him again.

No there is no such thing. Obviously his character is deeply flawed, and I find it hard to believe you didn't know he wasn't Mr. Perfect - or you just hoped he was.

Oh believe me it's REAL!! I've been through it, and my partner is STILL going through it.

On the midlifewivesclub site which I've given you is a forum. Go... read and get involved with it. You will find it a great help.
understand this... you can't change it. you can't rationalize it. And because most men don't talk the way we girls do, they ALL think they;re special and NO ONE else is dealing with what they are dealing with. it's ugly, selfish and hurtful .
Man I feel for you. Check out these websites and learn as much as you can only to truly know... *it's not YOU... it's HIM!* all the way.... it's him..
HUGS and good luck/

There is no excuse to cheat. even if he is going through a midlife crisis

You know that if he was able to cheat now, he was able to do it before, but maybe didn't have the opportunity? (Or maybe he didn't get caught, sorry.)
Midlife crisis is like this. It's the time in your life when the person you ARE and the person you THOUGHT YOU WERE actually switch places. Imagine it like this. There are 10 actors in your head, 6 you like and 4 you don't. The 6 you like spend about 35-40 years acting on stage all the parts of your life. At about 35 the other 4 actors burst from backstage to take over the play, and they are pissed off!
Your husband is now becoming who he IS, not who you knew him to be. There are other changes you'll notice too, and it might or might not be time to go find another love of your life. Good luck and God bless!