I was induced at 38 weeks because of my baby measuring so large; the doctor said it needed to be done to prevent me from having to have a c-section. So that's what we did.
Our son was born on the 27th of December and I hardly got to hold him before they wisked him away to the NICU - he was having problems breathing.
The NICU doctor told us it was because he swallowed amniotic fluid when being born that put fluid in his lungs causing a phenomonia-like infection.
My husband and I got in a fight and he said that I should have told the doctor I wanted to wait - that our son would have come on his own... I can't help but think maybe it was too early, that maybe he wasn't ready and that his lungs weren't developed enough. I feel almost responsible for him being in there.
But then why would the doctor have suggested the induction if he thought the baby would be at risk?
The nurse in the NICU told me that this happens to 40 week + babies too and that it wasn't because I was induced, but I just can't help feeling that way.
My husband said I shouldn't have let them induce me because I was only dialated to a 2. But the thing is I was having natural contractions that I could feel (not painful ones) and they gave me a cervix pill that got me to 4 cm before they even started the Pitocin... so technically I was dialated to a 4 before I was induced.
I don't know... has this ever happened to anyone else? How did you deal? Or how would you deal if you were in my situation right now? Well first let me start off by saying that I am praying for you guys!
But it does happen alot and your baby will be fine!
Your husband is scared and when you are scared you lash out at the people you love. I know this because my little one has been in and out of the Pediatric intensive care unit 3 times since she was born(she is almost 4 mo) and she just came home 2 days before xmas and was in for 3 weeks that time. My husband and I lashed out at eachother daily because we were scared, and needed to take "it" out on someone.
It will get better, do NOT blame yourself, and your husband doesnt really think its your fault.
You trusted your dr. Plain and simple and that is what you are supposed to do. This does happen to lots of babies. By the way, most medical professionals consider 37 weeks to be a full term baby so yours was full term. Sometimes the babies just dont want to wait to take that first breath and they inhale the fluid.
It will be okay!
God bless you and baby!! It's not your fault, especially if the doctor and nurse are giving you their expert advice.
Please don't feel guilty as that will only defeat your motivation to help the baby. You must gather up all your courage and support system and do all that you can for the baby!
Best of luck and you'll be in my prayers! 38 is considered full-term (Actually, 37+ weeks is). Unfortunately, things happen that we, as mothers, cannot control. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that the doctors and nurses at the NICU are taking very good care of your baby. Your husband, on the other hand, needs to get a grip. Chances are, he is speaking out of fear, but blaming you is unreasonable.
Good luck. If we can't trust our doctors,who can we trust? I think your husband is lashing out at you because he feels powerless. We have to blame someone. The same thing could have happened if you had waited. What if you needed a C section, something might have gone wrong with that too. Who knows. I'm sorry for you and your husband. It's got to be hard to see your baby go through this, but you two need to stick together. I think God puts this on you because something, Its not your fault.... Just.... Babies are Angels and your baby is fighting so you have to figth tooo because he depends on you..... he is gonna be ok, my baby and me are gonna pray for your baby...... It's NOT your fault!
Unfortunately, God has different plans sometimes.
Don't get down - may God heal your baby and give you peace!
God Bless!! : ) It is not your fault - my son was full term, came on his own, and still happened not to be able to breathe on his own for couple of days. He was born with apgar scores 0/4/6 and could've died. He is fine now, but it can happen anytime to anyone, I wish you all the best. Your husband is probably just stressed out and taking it out on you. Please, it is not your fault that this happened. Your little one will be fine. Take care. hun, this is such a tough call!!
it's always hard to go against what a doctor says especially since HE is the specialist.
There's no telling what would've happened and I think it is absolutely wrong of your husband to tell you such things when you are already stuck in such a difficult situation. I know that when we are put in stressful situations we start playing the blame game but your husband should really know better than this. It doesn't matter what would've happened or what you should've done. you can't change it. He has to realize that this is extremely hard for you and that you need his support.
If the doctor would've told me that i run the risk of needing a c-section if i didn't get induce I would've probably done the exact same thing. I was petrified of c-sections.
I'm sure that if you were at home recovering from a c-section, which is no easy thing he would tell you you should've gotten induced. it's useless.
you both should stick through this together offering eachother all the support and love that ought to exist between husband and wife. I have had two babies in the NI CU and I still blame myself to this day for both of them being born early. My first, I was 35 weeks pregnant and I was in the hospital and they kept giving me meds to stop the labor, until two days in I was in so much pain and said I wanted to stop the meds and bring on labor... he ended up not being able to breathe on his own, he was in NICU for almost 3 weeks. I didn't hold him till he was 2 weeks old. They said at the NICU that he would have had these problems even at full term (he ended up being special needs), but still I feel like I am to blame.
My 8 month old was also in NICU for about 4 weeks. Although I couldn't stop labor after my water broke, I still feel the blame...I shouldn't have taken that last shower in the hospital, I should have used the bed pans, I should of....I can think of so many of those...
The good I have to say....they are both here and Happy little boys! :) I would say..try not to blame yourself, but I know you will anyways as I do also. Just go see your baby as often as you can, that really does help in recovery, them hearing you and smelling you and feeling your touch! See if the NICU will let you do kangaroo care (letting you hold baby against your bare skin)...I will keep your little one in my prayers! ((HUGS)) to you! OMG!! I went through the same thing!! Only I went into the early labour and they stopped it, then I went into full labour in which I ended up having a c-section bc they gave me the epi too late...My son was whisked away with problems breathing when he was first born, (he was born on Dec 27th too:):) ) he is doing fine though, no need for guilt, concentrate on you and him right now, as for your husband, there is no need in blaming anyone or getting mad, your son is here so be happy:) Congrats, babies are very resilient, take it from me, my son also had surgery at 5mths. My baby was born 4 weeks early as I was induced. It is very difficult to have your baby taken from you and not to be able to hold him as he is in intensive care.
I am disappointed with your husband, as he seems to be scapegoating you for something that was beyond your control. Maybe he is angry at himself, because maybe he should have been there to protect you. Why didn't HE say something to the doctor?
At 38 weeks your baby's lungs are fully developed. What has happened to your baby could have happened at 40 weeks as well.
It sounds to be that your child is being taken care off. Do not worry, soon baby and you will be home together.
Try and take care of yourself and prepare for your son's arrival home.
Tell your husband to grow up. It is bad enough that you have to be sepearated from your baby, which is extremely hard on a woman, not alone have to deal with a critical husband. A similar thing happened when I had my son, only his lungs ended up collapsing altogether. He had to be under oxygen for 3 days straight, which later they said could have caused him to be blind. (The high levels of oxygen could cause detachment of the retinas.)
It is very sad when you can't hold your baby, but instead have to look at him through an incubator, and can barely touch him. My son, too was induced and was slightly early. My water broke but I wasn't dilating.
Your husband is frightened. Which is why he's taking it out on you. Don't worry. Neonatal units now days are very good and I believe that everything will turn out okay. Once the crisis passes, your husband will be so relieved that your son is okay, he shouldn't blame you any longer. It is definitely not your fault. He just has to find some way to express his fear and men don't show fear usually...they just get mad.
Doctors don't know everything. They are just human too. But there is a God who answers prayer, and if you ask Him to heal your son I believe He will answer.He healed my son. I will pray for your baby too. Congrats on your newborn - hope he's home soon!
If your baby ingested meconium then he was in distress. This can happen to any age baby in labor and sometimes even when the Mom is NOT in labor. This means having him was the right thing to do, since if he was in distress at 38 weeks then he would have been in more trouble 2 weeks later. At that point you may not have had time to get to the hospital before things went wrong - assuming you even knew. This happened to a friend of mine and it was only through sheer luck and the grace of God that she was scheduled for an ultrasound that day and they caught it in time (she had no idea her baby was in trouble - he had kept moving). You have no idea if you would have had more problems waiting, but as others have said, trust your Dr., and believe the nurse. They have no reason to lie, and every reason to take the most conservative approach which will keep your baby safe. I'm not referring to fear of lawsuit, either. Doctors make the recommendations they make because they know just how very wrong things can go, and they DON'T want that to happen, perhaps as much as we don't want the worst to happen.
Also, in the long run, you are better to have a vaginal birth. Your baby's lungs need something like 60 lbs of pressure to get the surfacant going, and only a V-birth can do that. In addition, C-sections are major surgery with all the risks/dangers that carries, and should be avoided if at all possible. They can take up to a year to heal completely as well. My first son came pretty early (I got ill and they had to induce labour after two days). 22 weeks weighing 1.7lbs only problem lungs weren't developed properly. He stayed at the hospital for 2mths 3 wks he's 11years now. Of course I felt guilty like I'd done something wrong but then prayer kept me strong. Please ask the Lord to watch over your baby and keepyou strong tolook after him later on. (((((HUGS)))))
My thoughts are with you.
This is not your fault and MANY babies end up in the NICU that just need a little more assistance in their first few days and weeks.
You had to trust your doctor and take his advice. If you hadn't and then something happened you would blame yourself more. Like mentioned previously even full term babies end up in the nicu for various reasons.
38 weeks is not too early at all. Anything after 37 is full term.
My baby was born at 36 weeks and was in the NICU for 8 days. It was VERY emotional for me. I would cry everytime I walked in there, it is a horrible feeling to leave the hospital without your baby and see them in there.
The nurses in the NICU are the VERY BEST. Please look at this as your baby is getting the absolute best care he can get. A peditrician overseeing him daily, peds neonatal nurses caring for him. Use this time to your advantage and ask them any questions on infant care. Call the nicu ANY time of the day. If you are awake at 3am and thinking of your son, call them and ask for a report of how his last feed was.
Your son will likely have NO long term risks from this and just needs some extra care now. All the best, you need to concentrate and being there for your son.
I understand how difficult it is for you. Your husband needs to be more supportive, this is the last thing you need to deal with. Have the nurse tell your husband that your son isn't in the NICU because you delivered at 38 weeks.
If you have any questions or just need some support please email me. I'm praying for your baby. Us women listen to our doctors I know if I were in your shoes I would of agreed with him and said ok. The doctor didn't know this was going to happen because if he did he would of waited. Sometimes things happen for different reasons. Your baby just happen to swallow fluid and I'm praying to God he will be alright. And it's very wrong of your husband to put the blame on you! If you would of known what was going to happen you would of never have gotten induced no mother would! Your husband is in much pain as u but yall two need each other and he doesn't need to blame u. I would be just devestated if my husband did that to me. Good luck! *hugs* email me and let me know how he's doing! It's definitely not your fault. I had a son born after 39 weeks who ended up in NICU for breathing problems for about a week and I had a daughter born at 36 weeks who was perfectly fine and both of them came on their own. It sucks but it will all be worth it when he come home. I remember wanting to take my son home so bad but now that I look back I'm glad that he had everything taken care of in the hospital so that I didnt bring him home and have nim end up needing to go back. Good luck and just know that there's nothing you could have done differently. I would have done the exact same thing you did. You aren't a doctor and you had to trust their opinion. It sounds to me as if this problem didn't have anything to do with inducing, it was just a really unfornate thing that could happen in many birthing situations.
My best friend had a sorta similar situation... actually it's kinda the reverse of your situation. Her baby had grown very large in the last few days and her doctors were not aware of it. She is a very slim woman and even after delivering 2 children she had a lot of trouble. She ended up tearing delivering vaginally, required 105 stitches and loosing a lot of blood, years later she still has problems because of this. Her son had to be pulled out with forceps and had lots of complications because of it and the long delivery. They were both in the hospital for a while and she couldn't really hold the baby that much because of her complications and blood loss.
I think the only reason your husband said that is because he is frustrated, not that it is ok to lash out at you. I'm just saying I don't think he really means to fight with you, I think he's just angry at the world right now and looking for someone to blame. Maybe if you can sit and talk to him and let him let his feelings out he'll stop blaming you.
Just worry right now about getting yourself healthy so you can be ready to bring your little one home (I hope it's really soon!). im sooo sorry your going through this right now..i gave birth on the 26th and i remember you from all your questions you asked when you were prego...and how you and your husband got into an argument the day you went in for your ultrasound and the doc said you should be induced...dont worry about you little one..he'll be fine..all you can do is pray for his health and wellness..as for your husband..hes just worried and scared..he should be comforting you rather than making you feel terrible...but thats a different story..just be with your baby as much as you can and pray..there are other babies who go through worse!!...your little one will be home with you in no time...congrats!! It's not your fault. You were just going by the Doctors recomendation, also the nurse said it happens to babies born at 40 weeks too.
Honestly I think your husband needs to drop it, because it's not your fault at all for having your son 2 weeks early. And you need to quit beating yourself up over it. Just be there to comfort and love your son.
My youngest son spend the first 3 weeks of his life in the NICU. He was born with a diphramatic hernia and had surgery to repair it at a week old. Also myself, I was born with a heart problem when I was born, and I ended up just fine. | 