I need to move a parent that has Dementia from their own apt. to my home; How can I make this easy for all?

My Dad has lived in his apartment for the past 9 or 10 years...His Dementia is not getting any better. He does not what to move into my home, but he can't stay in his apt. I want the move to be an easy one. I have looked into assistant living homes, they are nice but my Dad will not like the ideal of a 'roommate', but he doesn't what to live with me. (I live in a simi rural area; he likes the big city). Seems like ever conversation we have (in Dad's mind I'm fussing/argueing); I tried staying with him, but a 1 bd room apt is not enough room & I can't afford the Big city living); Both his nurse & Dr. keeps telling my Dad thought process is not a rational & has been deemed incompetent, it's hard for me to 'enforced' this move because I know it's going to led into a "BIG" resistance on Dad's behalf; I want the transition to be easy for all involved. How do I make this less painful?

First of all, my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's tough- no doubt. Dementia is a condition that any amount of reasoning won't help. The only thing I could suggest if you haven't done so already and depending on what stage of dementia he is in, try to "talk" to him. Reiterate how great it is going to be. Pick out the stuff he likes and make him want to live with you! Unfortunately it's not going to be any easy task. You also have to remember you can't leave him alone in his apartment! If you give in and let him stay in his apartment God knows what will happen. It's better that you get him with you. I commend you for not giving up and taking care of your parent. Many people don't care and just throw them into Adult homes. Lastly, just gain the support of visiting nurses and other health care to help you. It's an uphill battle. Good luck!!!

Write him a letter,he can read right and then move his things while he is doing somethig he enjoys,Just do it and dont put him in a nursing home please.He may resist and fight but patience and commentment and understanding are needed by you.

Maybe on your next drs visit you, your dad and his doctor could all sit down together. It might go easier if his doctor tells him that he is going to move, rather than making this message come from you.

perhaps you could get the advice of your doctor and talk to other people who have relatives with dimentia.

it's a big responsiblity to take care of someone with this sort of illness. your father could become violent and hurt someone or get "lost" or injured if he wandered away, etc.

you might want to give an assisted living facility a second thought. your father would probably feel he had a little more independence in assisted living, plus he would be able to interact with people his own age, and with like difficulties.

believe me, i'm not trying to tell you what to do, just hope you will consider this more carefully.... and i hope thing work out well for you and your father.

take care.

Being one that has dealt firsthand with a loved one with Dementia, are you sure you want to bring him to you're home?

This will progress to a stage where you will be unable to care for him and the stress it is going to put on you and you're immediate family is going to be overwhelming.

I know he is you're father and I know you feel you need to take care of him, but this disease is not one you need to try to take care of.

If you can consider an Assisted Living Facility (and there are good ones) he will have everything he needs and more with you by his side. He will be where others like him are suffering from the same disease and he will not feel out of place. He will have the medical care he needs and he will be in a restricted area where they can watch him.

Dementia can be not so bad one day and the next day be devastating. He will be confused and he will wonder, while he can. Being in a closed environment will keep him from hurting himself or you.

It is not a pretty death and what you are wanting to take on is going to drain you and make you miserable more than you should be going through this with a loved one.

It is not like you are not taking the responsibility you need to take because he is you're father. Like I said this disease is like no other and he is better off with trained professionals.

My heart goes out to you and I hope you make a good decision. It is not going to be easy for you or him, but once you have him where he needs to be he will adjust.

It's going to be painful. Believe me. My grandparents moved in with us and it was stressful for everyone. Understand the disease first and foremost. Your father probably can't take care of himself anymore. You need to make the choices for him. Either put him in assisted living or just move him home with you. Both of you will adjust in time. Give him say in it, he is your father. But let him choose between the two choices because living on his own won't work anymore.

I commend you for doing this, I have worked in nursing homes for 21 years, I have alot of experience with dementia and I can tell you its going to be a big job. It will be hard for all of you to get your Dad comfortable in your home. He may become combative at times and another day he might seem like hes adjusting well. I know you may not want to but you can talk t the Dr. about getting your Dad a medication to keep him calm during the transition. I don't know your feelings about Medication but this may be your only option. I don't know your Dad or the level of Dementia he has so this is pretty difficult. You also might want to consider a home health aide experienced with these transitions. We are trained to deal with the ups and downs of this horrible condition. I have a passion for the elderly and I do my job very well. The best advice I can give you is please don't try to do this alone. There are alot of organizations out there to help and getting inside help is a must. And please line up respite care for your father because this is a exhausting labor of love. You have my blessings and please e-mail me if you need any help or would just like to talk.

All you will be doing to your dad is CONFUSING him more than he is right now. Both my grandparents and parents had this. You cannot add to the confusion that is already there. If he is basically in good health and he has any kind of insurance(es) that maybe will provide him with a caregiver, then that is the ONLY route to take. Or you and the remainder of the family make it a point to divide up the days of the week to go stay with him.

My Dad also has Dementia. I am living with him, and caring for him. I am always looking for information in regards to Dementia. I don't come even close to having all the answers, but I would like to invite you to visit my 360,I have learned some interesting and helpful information.
I purchased a book recently, "The 36 Hour Day" by Nancy L. Mace, M.A.,and Peter V. Rabins, M.D., M.P.H. I have just started reading the book, it was recommended by a fellow Yahoo member.
Feel free to email me. I truly understand your concerns.