Should we love those who abuse us?

This is my story

when i came to Australia as a refugee from pakistan (long story) in the 90s i first got a job as a industrial worker at a metal factory , and the australian supervisor was a dirty man who always abused me even in filth.

However that was about 15 years ago and now i am employed as a care assistant at a nursing home in Australia. A few weeks ago there was a new resident at the home who had suffered a stroke and was admitted and had to be taken care of.

The moment i saw him memories from my past flashed before my eyes, and at once i knew that this was the supervisor who constantly abused me in filth at the factory .

Now he has lost his power and even his strenth, and has to depend on others to be taken care of.

while i was brushing his teeth i asked him,

can you remember me? And he said yes. He held my hand and said ' i am sorry for the way i abused you sister.

That very moment i started to cry

Should i forgive this man?

former muslim /atheist

i have forgiven him

Strange you should ask. Every week I go to a forum run by the Buddhists.

The past few weeks they've touched on this topic. So I've had a running disagreement on the topic. Which is unusual because in 5 years I've only had one other topic/principal I disagree with them.

The (Purelands) Buddhists believe that you ought to thank those who abuse you because the abuse is what makes you stronger. And (surprise surprise) I believe differently - in part from abusive experiences I received when I was nursing myself.

Having said that, on the issue of ethics, I'd suggest you approach your DOM/Manager about the prior relationship with this person. Abuse or not, there is an ethical issue involved. I've no idea how your work place is set up, but the past relationship is leaving you open to future abuse if/when this person deteriorates mentally.


Best of luck.
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On a personal level, that is up to you. On a professional level, you should treat him as you would all the other patients.

That is entirely up to you. You should go with what you feel.

Its not a question of love. Its a question of forgiveness. Can you forgive this man is you're own decision. Look into your heart and see if its possible.

You should try. But I think it's an almost inhuman task.

Forgiveness has less to do with the way it affects him and more to do with how it affects you. He has made his apology and feels better. Whether you want to forgive and feel better is up to you.

Yes you definitely should forgive him and show him love.

it is his perhaps last few moments on earth,

if you dont forgive him now when will you?

yes .. God says " love others as I have loved you " soo basically you should just pass on that love .. and i just wanan say the biggest mistake was chaning religion ..

if your asking us, then you already know the answer,

yes, forgive, but not forget.

Forgiveness frees you from your anger and hostility. It does not condone the oppressor's actions.

People have a crazy understanding of forgiveness. If I wrong someone, what is the rational purpose of confessing my sin to a religious figure? That would be for my benefit so I can still enter heaven. But the injured party gets nothing. As in the Twelve-Step Program, people need to ask for forgiveness from the person they wronged. Forgiveness is not for the sinner, but for the injured party. Only the injured party can forgive because only the injured party can release his or her anger over being wronged.

to forgive is to untie - untie the hurt and the pain that both of you are experiencing.

You are called to love your neighbour - does not mean that you do not have to like them... therefore forgiveness is a freeing process... set yourself and him free... does not mean you have to like him or make excuses for his behavior...

do it if you want to,id have just not treated him and had another person brush his teeth....

You should. If not you carry the hate and grudge and this eat you for ever. This is abuse in itself.
Take care!

come unto you, receive him;)...... [notice how it has a wink and smile at the end,. not my punctuation but from the bible.,.]

taking care of that person who abused you is a selfless act of love. And if you believe in their true remorse then it will only do you good to let all of that go and forgive him.
to even ask this question shows great respect for humanity and change.

Hard to say. I don't think that you should forgive him, but more like you should forget him & move on

No because he abused you shouldnt even contact him.

Yes it would be best for you to forgive him.

He is helpless, he knows how he treated you, you are treating him with respect. The shame and humiliation that he is feeling is his burden to bear and only he can bear it.

Sorry for how you were treated, prayers for your future.

Your story was slightly hard to follow, but I have to say that your answer should depend on the status of you and your sister.

I have found forgiveness is more about you then the person you are forgiving. To carry around hate, bitterness and fear is not good for anyone, forgiving him wont make what happened go away it wont even make it better what was done is done but it can make you less full of hate and bitterness and hurt.

in the end it is your choice be well be happy.

There is also an old American saying, I'll forgive you,but I won't forget it. or this one, I forgive you,and I'm not going to miss you either.

You have the ability to forgive him if you choose to. And what would it hurt? You might find that by forgiving him and letting go of what he did to you, he will see the error of his ways and possibly even ask your forgiveness. Is it worth it to you to extend kindness and mercy to someone if it changes their heart?

forgive in order to beforgiven. i'm so sorry that happened to you, but, sometimes you have to forgive and move on, or it will eat at you and turn you into a bitter person. you can also look at it from this perspective: now you have closure. and remember, alot of people are abused and will never get an apology, or even an admittance of guilt.

you need to professional.....take care of him just the way you take care of others.....afterall you are a nurse and he is a pateint......we have always been taught to be good to others.....so be good....i know forgetting old memories is very difficult...but i m sure you will be able to get on it.....let him understand that the way he behaved with you was wrong.....if you will be rude he may probably think he was right.....so best of luck....try getting over it and i m sure u will suceed....jst control ur emotions.....

I hope you have indeed forgiven him.

NON-FORGIVENESS IS A PRISON. Except you're the one in the prison and only you hold the key.

He is in his own living hell. Forgiving him is like releasing a piece of poison in you. This is why you cried when he apologized. He started to neutralize the poison. You must be sure to let the rest of it go.

The tables have turned and he is now the weak one with you holding the power over him.
I think it would show incredible strength and be a great release for you if you could forgive him.
How difficult it must be for you to be confronted with that all over again... I feel for you

there is a old Chinese saying, "The more u hit a person, the more u love her/him"

i would have to pinch him everyday

this is a good question. hunny dont forgive him! ur life is in danger if u do!

Put a very tight rubber band around his testicles and change shifts.