Are these selfish reasons to not have kids?

I am so scared of childbirth and being in hospital and have those do gooder nurses tell me how to look after a baby. I am scared because whenever anyone has a baby, people give advice on how to care for it and family almost take over the care of it. I am scared that I may develop post partum depression and I would not be able to care for the baby.

I have also had weight problems in the past and have worked hard to get a good figure and do not want to gain weight again because it is so hard to lose.

I also stress easily and am worried this will upset the child. Truth is, I dont feel strong enough to raise or to have a baby and do not want to ruin a child's life by my stress or dramas.

People say I have focussed on my career and will soon be too old to have kids and I am selfish for not choosing to have kids.
I love children but not for me

You are very responsible. I love the fact that you have acknowledged you don't want children. It isn't for everyone. You aren't selfish. It would be selfish to get pregnant and have an abortion because of your own self-interest. You are smarter than that. Kudos.

Children aren't for everyone. They do bring so much joy, but they are a lot of work. If you don't want children, then don't have any.

kids aren't for everyone. I'm not having one either.

i don't thinkit's selfish really. maybe you have psyched yourself out of having kids, scared of failure maybe? but if you really feel you are more of a problem than an assest to a child, then no..kids are not for everyone. just think about it realistically, how your life would change, and if its for the better...

So don't have kids.....resentment is not good for you or the child.
Go read the book: Eat, Love, and Pray. It sounds like your story.

I was scared of everything too, I guess it is kind of natural. If you really don't want kids then so be it, parenthood is not for everyone. God knows there are parents out there who should NOT be! BUT - why are you writing in here? An underlying want of a child?? It does come natural for most of us. What ever you decide, do it for YOU

Pay attention to the last line you wrote. That says it all, and you are in no way selfish for feeling that way. Not everyone has what it takes to be a parent, and that's OK. What I find selfish is the people who have a baby more as an accessory; they think more about playing with the kid (dressing him in cute little outfits, how the baby will make them feel good about themselves, etc.) when they really are the type who have no business becoming a parent. So good for you for recognizing that you may not be cut out for parenthood.
If you love kids but don't think you could handle being a parent, how about finding other ways to nurture children? Volunteer at a children's hospital or children's charity, for example. Good luck.

Who cares if they are selfish reasons or not. It's your body. It's your life. You don't want to have a baby so don't have one. Anyone who says otherwise is actually being selfish by projecting their own personal feelings about children on to you. Plenty of women don't have children and not only is there nothing wrong with that, they are perfectly happy about it.

If they aren't for you, then don't have any!! simple as that. Nothing wrong with it.

I think it's selfish of other people to be pressuring you into having children. Whether or not you have a child is up to you and your spouse and no one else. Not everyone wants kids and that's perfectly OK! We no longer live in a society where it is necessary to have half a dozen children that can help tend the farm or run the family business - in fact, the Earth is over populated.
Next time someone tells you you're selfish for not wanting to have a kid, tell them to mind their own business.

I wouldn't call it selfish. In fact, there are people out there that have babies for the WRONG reasons...those people are selfish. I had all those same fears you did and loved kids --- if someone could go through all that pregnancy and delivery stuff on my behalf I would have not be as apprehensive about being a parent. As time went on, I knew I'd have to face the decision once and for all and I decided that my desire to be a mom was much stronger than any of those other things that previously were so important to me. So I'm a mom (of two now) and happy to be one --- no regrets, although from time to time I wouldn't mind sleeping in once in a while.

Choosing not to have children IS NOT selfish. I can tell you, however, that having children can boost your confidence in youself and make you feel stronger. You wouldn't be normal if you weren't afraid of some of it. But seriously, if you are confident in your choice, don't listen to anyone else.

I know way too many people who have had children that shouldn't. I haven't met that many people who regret not having children (except when going through menopause).
Many people don't have children and have a very wonderful and fulfilling life.
If you want to spend time w/ kids w/o having one try volunteering somewhere...

Most women have had these fears, but many who have had children with these same fears got through it.
Children are a blessing and joy, its a true pleasure to raise them, but alot of hard work too.

I think those are GREAT reasons to not have kids. I wish more people would think these things through. Way to go!

Plus, if you change your mind, there are thousands of foster kids waiting for good parents, so you won't have to deal with all that hospital crap, etc... if you so choose!

If you don't want children, they you don't want children and you shouldn't have to defend your decision to anyone. Having a baby isn't for everyone, and no one should ever make you feel bad for that, enjoy your life and live it the way you want. If anyone just asks say you love children, but they just aren't for you, that's all you have to say. If people are nosy enough to keep asking, just politely tell them you have your own personal reasons as it IS a personal choice, and that's all they need to know.

Selfish? No way! Maybe this is stupid, but I just looked selfish up and here's one definition: thinking of one's own pleasure or good and not considering other people.

There are no other people in this situation to consider. It is your decision and there's no reason to take any crap from anyone about it!

I was scared off all that too. my once ur in labor you dont care or think about any of that.. all u want is drugs and the baby out lol.
its a beautiful hing and the most rewards thing in the world its worth it all. and im 17 years old and saying this..

i stressed alot too even tho my doctor told me not to but my daughter was okay. but if u dont really like u can have a kid then its okay. like above said kids arent for everything.. but the most loved feeling in the world!

It's not selfish to know, in your heart, that you're simply not cut out to be a mother & choosing therefore, to not have children. Actually, I think it's a very mature, selfless decision. Too many women use children to ease THEIR emotional pains, to fix a marriage, to fill a void, etc....but guess who suffers? The child. There are too many women who should have NEVER ever been a mother but were too selfish or immature to use protection. So, no, I don't think admitting you're just not cut out to be a mother is selfish....you're actually saving that child from alot of therapy in the long run!

Not selfish at all.
Selfish is the people who can not raise them properly, don't have the patience for children and are not mentally capable but have the children and then treat them poorly.
I applaud you for having the ability to view yourself realistically and make a rational and reasonable decision that having children is not for you.
Ignore people that say otherwise.

If youre not ready to have kids and devote your life to them, then for gods sake dont have them. You are not being selfish yuo are being reasonable.

It's not selfish at all. Better not to have kids than to have them and decide they're not right for you. Also, everyone's different, and when the time is right, you can always adopt.

If people don't want children, then they shouldn't have them. Children should only parents who really want them, and not regret them for having them. That's why it really bothers me when when teenagers gets pregnant, and try to become mothers. Later in life they regret it, because a huge part of their own life was stripped to give life to someone else.
So no, it isn't selffish of you.
If you are ever ready, like I finally was in my 30's. Then By all means have one. They are great. If not, that's ok too.

no You can love chlidren all you want and still decide not to have any. Kids are a lot of work and you know that you may not be able to care for one but that is a smart choice on your part a lot of people have kids that they can't care for now everybody but this is one reason we have some many kids that need to have adoptive parents. GL luck and may you days be bright

If u think they are good enough reasons not to have a child then its the right choice for you.

no i hope u dnt have any kids ur to selfish it seems like its all bout u

its ur choice n no ones elses on whether or not you have kids, but when u think about it, after u've worked hard for years n got everything u want, who are u gunna leave it to when u die?
childbirth is nothing, they have drugs for that, and its up to you whether or not u listen to the nurse advice or any one elses, as for ur weight, go n get a tummy tuck or lipo if its that much of an issue,
what u need to do is decide for ur self what u want, do u want kids or not? think long an hard about it, so ya know u'll get to a point in ur life n perhaps u might regret not havin any, and then what ur too bloodly old then to do anything about it then, so , as i said think very hard about it, i know alot of poeple who didn't want any then regretted it, and i'm sure ur parents who be happy with you robbing them of grandkids..
make ur choice, make sure its the right one.

So what is wrong with being focused on your career? One in five women in the USA feel the way you do. What makes that selfish? I am a man who does not want children. I had my vasectomy when I was 21. My girlfriend has her tubes tied when she was 25. Neither of us have children.