I need advice on how to make sibblings help pay their share for caring for 83 year old Mom at home.?

Me and another sister are local. Two other sisters and brother are out of town. We have chosen not to put my mother in a nursing home even though she require a lot of care due to brain aneurysm that she had and is now in a wheelchair. My local sister lives with my Mother and does a lot of everyday care. I live real close by and do all maintenance on house, bought a handicap van which has set me back financially, do all financial for both Mom and sister, do some of my mom's care when my sister can't, I figure out what medical needs that she has, I do her meds, I get all the prescriptions filled, etc. I have been set back financially and career wise to be available to help with my mom's care. Recently a letter was sent to out of town sibblings asking them to start paying $200 month on Mom. The feedback I'm getting is that Mom has the money to pay for all her expenses and what we are doing for her we have volunteered or chosen to do and therefore they don't want to help. Not fair.

If you quit 'shoulding' on other people, you will probably be a lot happier. You are doing your part. Lay up your blessings in heaven.

In a perfect world, people would all think alike and cooperate and have charity, but that isn't here and now. And if your mom has money to provide for herself, perhaps she should. We all have our problems.

My mom is 85, and helps her grandchildren out on a regular basis, as well as paying all her expenses, and she isn't in much better health that your mother. My brother is in a position to just write a check for a new home for her and not even feel it, but he hasn't ever come up with one cent for her well-being.

People are different, and they see the world differently, and I believe we will all stand before the judgment bar at some point, and that give me great comfort, because I bend over backward to help others and do what's right. But I've been told by my ex that I'm going to hell. We'll see.

Best of luck in this trying situation.

Tell your sibblings that their mother took care of them when they were young and is now time for them to start taking care of her. Thats the best way to get them thinking.

If your mother still has the ability to communicate verbally then use the phone, is sometimes lot better to have them hear their mother

your notgonna get any help. sucks but true. just remind them that they r the ones that r gonna have to live with the decisions that they have made once she is gone.

I do not think you can "Make" your siblings pay. I know it's totally unfair. My mother is going thru this with her mother and siblings. Grandma had 8 kids but only 2 of them contribute to caring for her in her golden years. It's crazy. Even though it's setting you back, you need to do what your heart tells you to do. Even though it's not fair that you and your sister are taking all the burden. Your siblings will be old one day and will need the care and support of their children. Only then will they understand.

That's really sad....she's lucky to have you and your sister and at least you two realize that she took care of you and are giving her the best gift that you can give.I don't think there's anything you can do to make your siblings care...emotionally or financially...unfortunately.When my grandfather was in the hospital dying...I stayed there with him day in and day out...for seven days{leaving,only long enough to eat or shower}on the 7th day my aunt got power of attorney over him.They{my family}then decided to let {or make}him die.They discontinued all medication{except morphine}stopped feeding him and giving him liquid....you know the old starve them to death and they'll die option?And they had me removed{kicked out}of the hospital all on that 7th day.Bastards anyway....my family would go to the hospital for a couple hours a day....my grandparents were married for 50 years...when my grandpa cried and begged for his wife...I would call them and tell them grandpa wanted his wife...not the best for my grandma...they said...so out I go.I was kept away from him for two weeks....the length of time it took him to die...I never saw him alive again.I'll never forgive them.So while it is hard work{I know}You are so truly blessed to have that time and opportunity to care for your mother....and your siblings?They won't get that opportunity...and they will live with that choice for the rest of their lives...Please realize how lucky you are....I would have given anything to hold my g-pa's hand as he passed away...anything...instead he died alone with the bear I gave him on his head....Gob bless you and your sister!
Love,
Someone's that's been there

I applaud you and your sister for being there to take care of your mother. If it were up to the others, she'd be in a home. They're selfish and are thinking only of themselves. Do not be surprised if upon the death of your mother, they're the first ones there with their hands out wanting to know if they're recieving an inheritance.

It sounds like your sibblings are the type that will be there when Mother passes away with their hand out for her possesions, so be careful.If you and your sister are caring for her now perhaps she will see to it that you are repaid in the end.