Any caretakers of a family member in a nursing home willing to answer a few questions for a school project?

I am taking a college course on Aging and I need to ask a few questions for a project. I need someone who takes care of a family member (financially and otherwise) in a nursing/retirement/assisted living home.


What is your greatest concern about their aging?
How much time do you spend with them weekly?
What has been the most difficult adjustment with helping them?
How do you feel about the present situation?
Do you feel they are satisfied with their retirement?
What advice would you give to others who may be dealing with the decision of putting a family member into a nursing home?
Would you have done anything differently?
Any other pertinent issues?

I am very thankful for any responses, I could not find anyone to interview in person.

Hi Naturegirl,
I have been thru this circumstance of having family in nursing homes a couple of times and I have never had good/comfortable feeling about leaving them when the time comes. Due to the facts below that I hope will help to answer your questions:

Aging in a nursing home is very depressing to the person and you can see he/she start to give up on life and begin to fad from you and that is my greatest concern about their aging in a nursing home because they tend to become very lonely and withdraw from all activities and become sick and then give up completely.

When I was visiting family in the nursing home I would do my best to go three, four and five days a week depending on work load and family at home. Also I would stay for a couple of hours each visit.

Most difficult adjustment I believe for them to make is the fact of giving up their freedom and the option of being able to take care of themselves.

The present situation is much better because my grandmother and father has gone home to be with our heavenly Father. But I will say that the circumstances in the nursing homes have not changed because they are still challenged in so many ways. Mostly being understaffed and staffed with employees that don't care about the purpose of their jobs...the clients.

Retirement: they were never satisfied with their retirement because they are not getting what they are due after working all of their lives. They are always struggling to pay medical bills and to pay for medication and other necessesities.

Device to others facing the decision of placing family in nursing homes is if you can arrange to take care of them yourselves or hire someone to come into your home or their home to take care of them please do so. You and upmost your family member will be much happier and healthier if you do.

If I could have had the main decision in this matter on my family members and could have stopped working and taken care of my family members, you better believe I would have stopped working and taken care of them instead of ever putting them thru living in a nursing home. When my mother gets older, I will do all I can not to place her in a nursing homes!!!

A persons whole attitude changes once they have been in a nursing home starting as early as 2-7 days. I can honestly say that I have seen a lot of unhappy people living in nursing homes and I believe the nursing homes systems need to be changed tremendously. I have been in some of the "so called" nicer ones and the attitudes of the staff are the same in all...uncaring and overworked. And our aging family members need and deserve so much better love and care than what they receive in those/any nursing home.

I hope this helps you Naturegirl. I have very strong feelings about nursing homes are they aren't good ones but I kept this nice as possible for you. I've seen too much damage done to too many lovely people and it still hurts me.

Good luck on your paper,
MJ

I will answer what can on here and feel free to im me if you need to......................the greatest concern with aging is that they loose mobility, and often mental capacity....................an average of three hours a day during the week and as much as can on weekends...................the most dificult adjustment to help them with is they lost their independance and having to learn to live in the confines of a room instead of a house...................I hate them being there.............they are more satisfied than I am..............If you are considering a nursing home then check the area and visit the homes first, see what the staffing is like and how well the residents relate to the staff, talk to family that has a family memember in the home, talk to staff and see how they feel about their place of employment there is so much to consider before putting someone in a home, the types of care they are licensed to give etc..........................I can't say I would have done things differently except maybe wait longer to do it...............

My parents moved into an assisted living facility just over two years ago. My Mother was into the middle stages of Alzheimers and although in good health for his age my father could no longer adequately care for her and himself. He probably could have done ok for himslef but he did not want to be separated from her. It was a family decision that they move. I have durable power of attorney but as Dad is competent we give him final say on decisions.
The greatest concern was physical care, to be in a safe environment where someone would be there if one of them fell, etc. It was also important that my Dad get some relief and not have to do cooking, cleaning, laundry as well as care for Mom.
I average one hour per day at the facility 360 days a year.
The most difficult adjustment for me has been to become the "parent", it is not a comfortable role reversal. It is also difficult dealing with staff at the facility, not because they don't care but because they are over worked and underqualified. The later is directly related to poor pay. And my parents are in a "good" facility.

I would not be able to afford their care but fortunately they can. That is an issue for Dad because he feels he is using up his childrens inheritance.

My Mom passed away two months ago at the age of 90. We really lost all but her shell a couple of years ago. Her end of life care was loving and kind by all staff.

My Dad has said for the last few years that she was his reason for living, that he had to be there for her. He is 91 and still in relatively good health. He is bored much of the time. He has out lived most friends and family members.

My advice for others would be to research the types of care that are available and find the best place possible that meets the needs of your parents.
good luck----hope this helps