My 17 year old daughter wants a under achieving career what do I do?

I always had high expectations for my daughter. Though out grade school (1st through 8th grade) she got straight A's. As soon as she got into high school things got more challenging and difficult. First 2 years of high school, she got C's D's and some F's. This Year her junior year, or her third year of High School, she has increased her grades to A's B's and some C's.

Just yesterday, my husband and I had a talk with her about her future. To make a long story short, she said she wants to be a hairdresser! I'm here to support what ever is her passion, BUT 4 of her cousins went to hair dressing school and none of them are cutting hair today. From what I know, hairdressers do not make a good income. I had Way higher expectation for her and her life. I thought she would go to college and get a education and have a nice career making at least 100,000 a year. She had interest in Nursing, working with childeren, working with animals. What I can say to move her away from hair?

Perhaps she believes that cosmetology will be less stressful than other jobs (just speculation ;) though it can take a hairstylist a couple of years until 'getting a book' of regular customers. They work on their feet all day long and a lot get back problems from the standing and carpal tunnel syndrome (wrist nerve injury) from 'repetitive strain injury' such as blowdrying and cutting the hair and moving the hand the same way. It may be her passion, or she may be somewhat disillusioned as to what the job entails. The cosmetology student also needs to learn about basic chemistry and anatomy and physiology.

If she's still steadfast on attending cos school, perhaps look into the local county vo-tech school as opposed to those expensive private schools such as paul mitchell's probably is (saw the other post :) You may want to take a tour though it sounds more feasible to go to the county school, if the program is available. At least the person may not end up paying back loans for many years to come while struggling to pay the bills :)

For general career info: http://www.bls.gov/oco and search 'hairdressers' or such.

For US colleges: http://www.utexas.edu/world/univ

I am 28 and a teacher. I went to college right after high school but it would have been better if I had waited a coupe years. I went through 5 majors before graduating, and then 2 short-lived careers before going back to school and becoming a teacher. She may be SURE now, but I guarantee she will figure it out, and still be young. My best advice is to give her space, and be supportive. And you'll be thinking "told you so" when she makes a different choice a couple years down the road.

the best way to help her see the results of the hair career is to throw your full support behind it, moral and emoational support but not financial. let her feel that you are behind her. only then can SHE see the problems with her decision. It's not so bad. it's her life, let it go. support her passion, as you say. be true to your word. it's her life. but you don't have to pay for it. you can always offer to pay for a path you approve of. the best way for you to move her away from hair is to find ways to support that - offer to let her cut your hair or buy her a hairdressing set or take her around to different hair schools or etc etc. just show your full support.

you ask her why she wants to do nursing and what she wants in his life and keep communicating so that both of your thoughts wiil be same

I currently own a 17 year-old daughter, I know it can be tough.

Have you and her had a chance to have a sit down with her high school counselor?

Okay, here is what I would suggest. There are web sites where you can enter your interests and it can help you pick careers. You might want to look into that. (link below)

Also, so she can rack up those all important volunteer hours for future college applications, perhaps you could help her find a volunteer job at a salon nearby. She may not like it so much when she actually experiances it.

Good luck...hang in there! I hope you help her find her passion in life, no matter what it turns out to be!

Your daughter is still young. Let her figure it out for herself. Just encourage her to explore her options and find what she really wants to do.

By the way, it's a rare job that can earn you 100K just starting out. Nursing certainly doesn't make that much, either. I know several self employed hairdressers who are making a very decent living. Money isn't everything as long as she is happy.

You can't live her life for her or have her live the life you wanted. If she is intelligent, she will figure it out herself. If she is not intelligent, hair dressing may be the best career for her. Besides, some hairdressors make a lot of money.

let your daughter do what she wants to- she will be saving her family tons of money when she cuts hair, and she will always have a skill to fall back on. After a while she will find that her feet will kill her, and she will look for another profession.
I always wanted to do hair so I got my cosmetology license while I was in my senior year of high school, before I graduated. It wasn't long before my dreams were dashed and I went to be a nanny. My employer thought I was better suited to be a nurse ( normal progression for us cosmetologists) so I went to work at a rehab hospital until I married. After that, I opened my own daycare business- VERY profitable. I was able to still do hair, and be home with my kids running my business. I cut my own hair, and get compliments all the time.
In other words...praise your daughter for her talent and gifts, God can direct her where he wants to use her.

I am a teacher and many hairdresser's make more money than I DO. Your expectations are not hers. Many parents try to live their lives over through their children, stop now, support her choices. AT least she is thinking of some education beyond high school that is more than a lot of parents get. take a deep breath. she is 17 and could change her mind tomorrow but if you keep telling her her choices are not good she will show you otherwise if she wants that career or not. Lighten up mom.

i remember changing my mind about what i wanted to go to school for in every grade in highschool. in grade 9 i wanted to be a lawyer grade 10 i wasn't sure anymore grade 11 i wanted to go into journalism and grade 12 i finally decided to go into international relations which i am now studying in university. i say not to worry about her until she actually applies to colleges and even then SUPPORT HER! because i remember how much i resented my mom when she said journalism was a bad idea. ultimately its her own choice not yours, because it;s her life and if she wants to be a hairdresser then so be it. good luck!

Back off on the pressure; that's contributing to her fear of failure. Who is going to pay for beauty school? you? Try to strike a deal with her. Say you'll pay for beauty school after she completes 2 years of junior college. Tell her grades are not as important as is getting more education.

Your expectations have put a big burden on her to succeed.

What are her cousins doing now? Can they talk to her?

Good luck, and just remember, the more ou push, the more she'll resist.

At that age, they change their mind on what they want to be as fast as the fashions change with the seasons. The biggest impact is to open their eyes to endless possibilities that now exist for women. Not just in nursing. Take her out and show her women at work doing different jobs. Both of my daughters are writers. One is a poet and the other is a journalist. I was a ceramic artist and owned and operated my own mobile automotive repair business. I'm now a retired poet and writer. My sister in law is a Detective with Carbondale PD. My mom was an accountant. A good friend of mine is a breeder of Quarter horses. Show her that women aren't limited to cutting hair as a lifelong career anymore. Most careers can be found in one's hobbies and interests.
I've raised three. Let me tell you, ultimately, it is their life. We may not approve of their decisions, but they are her mistakes to make. My son wanted to be a musician. Being a virtuoso with intruments, I had expectations of him being in an orchestra or a military drum and bugle corp. My son is a Master Mason. He subs at the school he learned masonry at whenever they need him. Between my hopes for him and his current career, there was what felt like a one bumpy road full of failed attempts to be what HE wanted until he found his calling. Or should I say, his calling found him.
I found it best that my role as Mom is to get my children back up onto the perverbial horse whenever they get thrown. I learned that the harder I push them into what "I" think they should do, the more rebelious they are going to be. They understand, I won't finance their mistakes. They understand that I am here to listen and give encouragement. All the while, I understand, that it is their life and I can not live their lives for them. As much as I would love to spare them all these bumps and falls. I have to let them fly and trust that they will find their way home and give me a hug from time to time. Or call to say I love you.

I'm in the same place with my kids, now ages 22 and 23. I had much higher expectations of and for them, but, my marriage failed, and their mother ran off with them back to her "nowhere hometown" and they got a minimal education by my standards, and so, now they're living in "nowhere town" too, going nowhere. But, I believe this is where my dad's preaching to me about patience is going to be of utmost importance. I can't say I was doing all that great at their ages, . . . well, I did have two college degrees by then, . . ., well, they weren't "high dollar" degrees, and then my life went through some serious changes shortly after that and so it wasn't until I was around 28 that I finally "got on track", and still didn't make a lot of money because of my career choice, or my lack of business interest and skills, but now I'm living okay, so, maybe you and I simply need to "grit our teeth", keep a sometimes-smiling face and do as you say, support our kids in whichever endeavor they pursue. That's not to say we have to finance their endeavors, but maybe that is to say that we let them have their rope, and hope they don't hang themselves with it (proverbially speaking, of course). I may be wrong in my advice here, and maybe I'll live long enough to find out, and in the meantime, I never forget how to pray to Jesus our Christ that He never lose sight of them. I'll be okay if that happens, even though I'll still be scared and worry about them from time to time. I guess that's the "luxury" reserved for parents, as I always tell my son. God Bless you.

You have to understand where this influence is coming from... is it an act of defiance? Have you been putting too much pressure on her? I think its lack of guidance and this is the long term result. If she does not respect you as parents enough to listen to what you have to say, you need to find someone who she respects among her friends and have them talk to her and put things into perspective for her, someone other than a hairdresser of course.

Let her make her own decisions. She'll learn as she goes along, whether she makes mistakes or not. It's nice that you care so much about her and you want her to be happy, but you have to remember that it's her life, not yours. Whatever she decides to do is up to her.

What's wrong with her being a hairdresser? There are many hairdressers out there that are successful and bring in a lot of money. Sure, not everyone is that lucky, but it's not completely a waste of time. Maybe her cousins just didn't like hairdressing that much after they learned more about it. Just because they didn't make something of it, doesn't mean you daughter won't.

At least 100k a year? While that's nice to dream, not many people make that much a year. If they do, then they had to work for a while to get to that. You don't need 100k+ a year to be happy. People can live comfortably making less than that.

Ultimately, it's her decision. Let her do something that makes her happy. If it's not that well paying, then oh well. As long as she is happy and able to support herself, then that's all that matters.