College admission essay- what i have so far?

Nursing is a field where you use your intellect and heart. I chose Registred nursing as my major because a career with these qualities is one I would like to be a part of. Throughout my search for a college that would supply me with the best nursing education possible, I heard about average nursing programs and good nursing programs. I was looking for something more than just average, and thankfully, I stumbled upon Duquesne University. I learned that Duquesne University has an excellent program that is very hands on. Students get to train with human-like robots that have emotions and prepare students for real patient care under the supervision of excellent staff. Getting the best education is important in becoming a registered nurse so when you aso when you are put out in the real world you can be the best you can be at what you do.
I first knew I wanted to be a nurse when I was about 7 years old. I ran around my house in a doctors coat and first aid kit trying to heal my baby sister

FYI you REALLY SHOULD NOT post your admission essays ONLINE!!!! ARE YOU CRAZY?! ESPECIALLY if you going to use them! Other kids tempted will want to copy it and officials will consider it plagiarism!!! PLEAsE be smart stop submiting your admission essay online

It seems pretty good so far. Just try not to harp on the "I first knew I wanted to be a nurse when I was 7..." because the admissions people probably hear that line every day. Be unique, it catches their attention. Good luck with college, I'm trying to get into nursing too!

Do you really want to tell Duquesne that you found them by accident(stumbled)? I think they would rather hear that you found them to have a premier nursing program.

Pretty good, check out this paragraph for grammar though. Getting the best education is important in becoming a registered nurse so when you aso when you are put out in the real world you can be the best you can be at what you do. Something doesn't sound right in this paragraph. This is the 2nd to the last paragraph. Other than that well written, but make sure you get people to proof read it!!! Good luck with your career.

This is pretty good so far, but you may want to focus more on yourself; your accomplishments, your goals, your ambitions. The school is aware of what they have to offer; focus on telling them how you intended to utilize those state-of-the-art nursing facilities and hand-on experience to obtain the best education possible, etc.

We're all glad to help and wish you the best of luck in your pursuits to become a nurse, however I would be careful about posting your admissions essay on-line. The first poster was right - someone could steal your essay and you'd be disqualified for plagiarism. Try going to the library or doing an on-line search for essay templates. They won't do the work for you, but they'll help you collect your thoughts and organize them into an eye-catching essay, which is what you're trying to achieve.

Use your last sentence as the beginning sentence to your essay. Try not to use as many "I" sentences. Take out the sentence about average nursing programs....Good start -keep on writing and rewriting.