Can you tell me how your parent is doing in a nursing home with dementia?

This is a decision my brother and sister and I are about to make. My sister has MS and has been doing pretty well being the caregiver for our mom (who is 76) but my sister's MS is progressing as is Mom's dementia. In order for my brother or I to care for her at home we would have to stay away from our jobs thus forgo our careers. Its very hard as our mother gets very angry at the mention of nursing homes yet makes things super difficult at home. We are looking into extended care homes but don't feel the limited supervision would be enough. Were looking ahead to a very difficult time for all of us. Just wondering how its worked out for others. Thanks.

im sure she will get used to living in a nursing home, your right, the situation calls for drastic measures.
do what is necessary for you and your family's well being.

Can her insurance afford a live in care giver?
I have done this and by living in the home itself, made me feel so much more "attached" to my clients. and they had my full attention!! I think she would do better if she were able to be around things that she remembers at times.
I feel she's have less attention in a nurseing home. They have way to many people to be giving their time to and not enough people on shift to be doing it.

How much can you afford pay plus room and board?
Give me a email: hogsnotbubbles@yahoo.com

Sorry to hear your mother and sister are both ill. I personally thought about it for one second with my mother and decided I couldn't do it. I experienced that with my great grand mother and she was killed in that nursing home. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something like that happen to my mother. Not only that I have talked to people that works in those places and they have ways of hurting those people without leaving bruises. I told them I should call and report they stupid asses.Cause with my mother in the hospital she was saying they were abusing her we saw marks and she would cry and I just said release my mama now. I'm taking her home with me. My grandmother and grandfather was also in a nursing home. It can be worse than taking on the responsibility yourself. Home care is a very, very hard job. Anyone I know that is doing it have my utmost respect. I pray that things will work out for you all. Good Luck and GOD BLESS!!!!!

I've had long and mixed experiences with nursing homes and regard the pleasant ones to be quite rare, but lovely to witness when it happens.

As a child I've helped my mother who worked in a nursing home home and had visited my aunt inflicted with dementia in a secure ward in a well known nursing establishment in the city of Adelaide.

I can say this was in recent years and her (my aunt) had been the subject of a disturbing article in a local newspaper referring to institutional care.

Her (my aunt) view was that she'd rather die in the gutter than be placed in any nursing home.
Her view was reinforced by 78 years of her own life experiences.
Nevertheless, we (the family) had to make the hard choices for her as her condition irretrievably worsened.

The decision process was dictated by the self serving family dynamics that left us no other option, but to place her most reluctantly, in the hands of the Guardianship Board who incarcerated her into the secure ward above mentioned.

Having no other choice minimised any guilt whilst fuelling deep regret.

Our conscience was managed by visiting her daily, preferably at meal times to ensure her well being and dietry intake.

In spite of this, we witnessed neglect, disrespect and indifference of the inmates and an unsaid intolerance of the "outside" monitoring that we were conducting.

Her meal times were not sufficiently monitored by the staff to ensure she had eaten properly and the plates were removed at end of meal times.

On another occassion we discovered her alone in an unmonitored day room, late afternoon still in her nightdress (soiled) huddled in a corner on the floor, hitting her slipper against the wall.

We were enraged that such a situation could occur and that the staff readily excused themselves of their duty of care for her.

We met with the management body to express our deep dissatifaction with the care (we called it don't care) and it recognised that deficiencies were present and that a proposed building programme will be the solution.

Not good enough for us, because we drew attention to the difficiencies of the staffing and the rooted cultural malaise within the organisation that does not go away when a new building is erected.

By now, you'll percieve that whilst we attempted to be diligent to ensure our loved one was being cared for, we met with entrenched resistance and encumberances and we also were left banging our own heads against the wall of the management, not too dissimillar to my aunt slapping her slipper in the corner.

All the alternatives to have my aunt cared for outside of such an establishment had been explored and personal sacrifice was not the deciding issue.

And because of this, our concience is clear, but our regret in having our aunt incarcerated in such a manner, despite her profound wishes, saddens us to this day.

In hind sight, and if the law allowed, It would have been more rmerciful to have indeed taken her to the gutter and shot her dead.

I hope the above sentiments and my experiences serve towards your own difficult decision.

I don't have a parent in a nursing home, but I do advocate for residents of nursing homes. This is just one of many possible options for you and your family to consider.
To find out about other options, locate your local "area agency on aging" at www.eldercare.gov - and ask them about in-home options, adult day services, respite care, and "assisted living".
Services vary widely from one state to another, so you need to approach this like you are learning a new language or culture, because you are.
Also, keep in mind that if the less-involved options do not work at first, you can decide again.
As much as possible, involve your mother in assessing her options and making these decisions.
If you haven't done it yet, contact your local alzheimer's association to learn about the progression of dementia and how to cope as the family of the person with dementia - this will help inform your decisions and provide the support you all need to remain healthy as you cope with these stressful circumstances.
www.alz.org
Remember, your kids are watching - what will they do when faced with this same decision about meeting your needs in the future? Show them that this is a process that you are approaching with compassion.