Only Mommy can Soothe. Normal?

Hi all,

I put my baby to sleep by nursing, otherwise it's not happening... If I am not there by bedtime, he will have a meltdown and it is almost impossible for Daddy to put him to sleep... Is this normal?

We have learned through this process that crying it out is not an option for us, because our baby can cry for hours and this is not acceptable to either of us...

Any thoughts from you ladies on how we can "Gently" introduce our baby to other ways of going to sleep or is "cry it out" the only method? I sure hope not, because do not want to go down that path.

BTW, I should mention that otherwise, our baby is a very happy, active baby, so it isn't as if he is habitually fussy. He does get LOTs of attention though from mommy and daddy.

Thanks!

NewSFMom

To clarity, when I state that "crying it out" is not an option, I am not referring to the scenario where our baby crys for 10-20 min, but having him cry for hours IS unacceptable to us. It may be right for others and I am not here to judge, but for us it is UNACCEPTABLE. Both my husband and I agree ... I also do not agree that responding to your babies crys means spoiling him. After all, babies are crying to communicate and I feel that I am ignoring his efforts to communicate when I don't respond.

We do need to work on a routine... My husband and I have maybe been doing a little bit too much of trying to integrate the baby into our lifestyle - bedtime habbits...

Lastly, I enjoy the quiet/alone time with my baby as I nurse him to sleep. I just think that it is in his best interest (eventually) to learn how to sleep on his own... He is 6 months old now btw.

Thanks Ladies!

Do you have a bed time routine for your baby? That really helped us to let my husband help with bed time routines. He used to give the bath and read a story, then I would nurse him to sleep. Once our son got used to the routine, we would do things out of order. For instance, I'd nurse him. DH would bathe him, read to him, and rock him to sleep. It worked well for us :)

I is normal. As he gets older try and get him to calm himself down. He needs to learn that. Enjoy your baby.

How old is the baby?

How old is your baby? Are you weaning completely? Most of the time, crying it out is the only way... if you are around then the baby knows that you are, and he will cry until he gets nursed. It's best for you to disappear (at least into the other room) while dad tries to put the baby down. I know it's frustrating but eventually it will happen - your baby will stop crying eventually. It's really hard on mom & dad (I think it's harder on you than on the baby). Unfortunately, whether or not you think the baby crying is "acceptable" for you, it's going to happen at some point, so you just need to tough it out. Good luck.

You may have to just let your baby 'cry it out' ... but you can't do that without 'working up to it' ... on the first through third nights, let your baby cry for the time it takes you to count to 100. On the fourth through eighth nights, count to 200. keep 'upping the count' by 100 every fourth night, until you can count all the way to 2000. Learn to 'listen' to the WAY your baby is crying, though ... babies have 'different cries' for 'hunger' or 'diaper needs changing' (some even differentiate between 'wet' and 'dirty'), or 'hurting.' If it's not an I WANT TO BE HELD cry, you'll need to 'deal with the problem and then let the baby cry for the 'number' you are on. It's actually very 'simple' and I doubt that your baby will 'continue to cry' PAST the number 2000. I did this with all of my babies, and they all fell asleep around 1,200-1,500, unless they 'needed something done' ... when that happened, I did it, they 'whimpered' for a few minutes, and fell right to sleep.
It's okay to 'nurse' your baby to sleep for the first 2 months, but after that you should have at least a half hour between 'finishing eating' and 'going to sleep' or you'll be 'nursing' your child to sleep when he's 18! Think about it!

Yes, that is normal. Babies were meant to be with us all the time. That's why we have breasts, why babies have tiny tummies and why human babies grow so slowly compared to other species. You really can't fight this, because it's biological, but you can embrace it. Those bedtime nursing sessions with a newborn are so precious and the season for it passes quickly.

The best method I have found is The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Others have had success with The Happiest Baby on the Block. I haven't read it, but I use the 5 "S" techniques that Harvey Karp describes. It's not really a sleeping program, but it can put you on the right path.

The Pantley book is perfect for breastfeeding, cosleeping moms. Pantley herself is a cosleeper and breastfeeding mom. It is also a great method for crib-sleeping, bottlefeeding, whatever. NCSS is a huge time and energy investment up front, but cry it out methods are more work in the long run. Ask me how I know!

ETA: I'm not saying that you should never leave the baby with dad or grandma or the neighbor, it's just normal for him to want you all the time. He still thinks he is part of you, even though he's learning that you always come back.

I can't believe some of the answers you've gotten. Crying is not beneficial to the lungs. I'm surprised that people still think that, but that's sooo 1950s. There are other ways. Other cultures in the world think we're neglectful for allowing our babies to cry alone.

Xarmywife, that's out of date now. Research is showing that CIO babies are less independent, afraid of the dark and more likely to have behavior problems. Personally, my CIO baby still sleeps in my bed (she's three) but my no-cry baby stays in the crib all night long. I always receive compliments on the little one's behavior and manners.

Well, depending on how old your son is.... I would say don't worry about it. Unless you are starting a new routine in which you won't be able to be home for bedtime.... I would say let it go for a bit. I assume he is under 6 months old correct?

Most breastfed babies need the mom for bedtime. What you could start doing is placing him in his crib before he falls asleep, gently rubbing his tummy and singing a song he is used to hearing from you. This might encourage him to fall asleep in his crib. Then, once he is used to that idea, you can have daddy come in and join you during put the baby down time.
It's a long process and I don't recommend the crying it out thing. Especially on a baby under 6 months old.

My son was like that (but bottle fed) he wouldnt even eat for his dad and if his dad tried to put him to bed it was one huge cirucs. Its just something I do something my son knows I do and something I dont mind doing. I never agreeded with the cry it out method for one I dont want to hear him crying and I surely wouldnt want to be left alone crying as a child without my parents soothing me. Even now at age 16 months as active as my son is if he's hurt its only mommy that makes him feel better, only mommy gives baths the right way (he will climb out of the tub if dad tries), only mommy puts him night night (he'll haul butt downt he stairs or stand up in his crib until I go up there) I think its normal enjoy it while you can soon he wont want you as much

My situation was a little different than yours because my husband deployed for 4 months when my son was 3 months old. However, up until that time, my son wanted nothing to do with Daddy; everything had to be Mommy. When my husband came home though my son was much less fussy and would let Daddy soothe him too. Sometimes it's just a matter of time.

Otherwise, I might suggest that having your husband give your baby a bottle at bedtime and do the bedtime routine. During this time you should not be anywhere near the baby. If he knows you're nearby he'll continue crying. It won't be automatic and may take some time, but hang in there, it will get better :)

Totally natural and normal.

I have a 6th month old nursling too. We kind of use the No Cry Sleep Solution method. I essentially nurse him until he's almost out or out totally. If he's fallen asleep I will try to wake him slightly when I put him in his crib. I will let him fuss for a few minutes if he doesn't go right back to sleep. If he cries for more than 10-15 mins, I pick him up and start over again. He'll usually falls asleep the next time around.

The reason I wake him up a little when I put him down is to make sure he knows his surrounding are different, this is how the Ferber book was useful. Babies wake up crying after 5-6 months of age if the circumstances have changed after they fell asleep.

Think about it this way, we all wake up and adjust slightly at night and if there's no change we go back to sleep. If, however, someone stole your pillow, you'd be unnerved and it would wake you up more. Baby can't get themselves back to sleep if the same conditions that got them to sleep aren't there in the first place. SO, as long as baby is drowsy, or sleepy, but slightly awake when you put them down, they will fall asleep by themselves and stay asleep longer.

I did CIO with my first, but I just couldn't do it with this one, and he's still a great sleeper. After the last nurse of the night, Dad can take the drowsy but awake baby and rock or pat him until baby is almost asleep, and then put him down. That will help the baby associate other patterns or routines with sleep.

As long as you follow your heart, you can't go wrong.

You have to create a bedtime routine. Babies thrive on this! I still nurse my daughter to sleep but she goes to sleep and she knows that it is part of her routine.
Dinner, book, bath, nurse then bed - something like that.
Stick to it every night or as often as possible. He'll pick it up after awhile.
The crying out method - I know you don't like it. But, try it - but only for like 10 minutes, then go in, pat him and lay him back down. Then leave No talking. Then wait 10 more minutes and repeat. A week of this, and he should get the idea. It's harder on him then it is on you.

I don't like the crying out method either.
We give our daughter a pacifier to go to sleep with...its works great.

Okay, first of all I'm in shock at the "crying is not acceptable to either of us...." That's a little out there! Your little one needs to cry at least sometimes to clear out it's lungs, and crying allows them to expand! I'm not talking about letting it lay there and cry until it's blue in the face, but please don't pick it up at the first little peep! If you do, you're going to have one spoiled rotten kid on your hands!
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Ah! I think we "pro-crying" folks have hit a nerve with the anti-crying, raising "spoiled-rotten hand 'em anything they want when they want" crowd! Bring on the thumbs down, but you guys know what I mean -- it's a tragedy to spoil a child like some folks do (and I'm NOT pointing any fingers here, but you know who you are!) When our son was 1 week old, we would put him to bed awake and shut the door. He would crying for a minute or two, then fall asleep. By day 10 he was sleeping through the night! It may take a few tense minutes while they cry, but for heavens sake, leave them alone and let them fall asleep on their own!
*sigh* I foresee a lot of your children sleeping in YOUR bed for a long, long time.