Some genuine help and advice needed please?

I have been married to a lovely lady for nearly 20 years now. My wife has recently become a nurse at our local hospital. The problem I have is that now she gets to wash and shower men who have problems with doing it themselves. For some reason I feeal threatened by this, it has made feel quite insercure and useless and I don't know why as her job is a profession. Its easy to say just get over it but I can't. I have now started to suffer from mild depression through this. I have tried talking to her about it but she cannot understand why there is aproblem and know its causing grief in our marriage. I know its all down to me but what can I do to feel better about my self and everything else. Also we do not make love very often anymore which dos'nt help. Thanks for your time in reading this

Hi mate,listen if you've been married to this wonderful lady for 20 yrs why are you now doubting her? As has been mentioned in other answers,the poor blokes shes cleaning are obviuously incapable of doing it for themselves.I cared for my father,cleaned him and changed him,it wasn't pleasant but it had to be done,as he couldn't do it himself.Calm down and look at the 20yrs this woman has stayed with you,if she was going to cheat behind your back she would have been unfaithful by now,but she hasn't and it's you she comes home to every night.Relax.It maybe that there are some underlying thoughts you have which are bothering you,see your Doctor or talk with someone you can trust,and explain your feelings to them.Dont harbour bad feelings,they can get out of hand and ruin a good relationship,dont let that happen....

your wife is just cleaning them when they cannot you must get over these silly thoughts because it will break up your marriage.
could you imagine the embarrassment of the poor guy covered in his own mess i think being naughty will be the last thing on eithers mind now stop and talk about it with your wife.

This is her job and nothing more... Trust your wife and your marriage and know that she still loves you and is committed to you... Dont be so insecure.... You may need help and counseling for this..... Try romancing her and making the situation better and make her a romantic dinner when she gets home with candles and her favorite food... Hope this helps and i am here if you need to talk. I will be praying for you and your marriage.

As a caregiver I do not harbor any secret desires for the males I care for and I doubt your wife does either; that being said, tell your wife that you are needing more attention and see how she responds.

Your wife being a nurse is only doing her job. If you think washing sick old men, some of them quite abusive and dirty then you should think again. She is not having the time of her life. Have you ever tried lifting a heavy heavy man. Have you ever thought that maybe her back is aching and she is tired. Please trust me, no nurse takes pleasure in giving a patient a bed-bath.
I don't know if you are at home, do not have a job, but if not find a job even if it is packing shelves. Do not sit at home feeling sorry for yourself and thinking about her washing strange men will just depress you further. Keep your mind active and remember she is bringing in money that you need else she would not be working. Give the poor lady a chance, remember she is just doing her job. Urgghhh i know all about washing patients and it is not a pretty sight , believe me. Treat her kindly i can guarantee you she does not enjoy it. Take care and don't be silly ok.:))

Hi there,
I am so sorry to hear you are experiencing marital problems.....it sounds like you genuinely want things to get better.
I am not a qualified psychologist yet, but I would suspect there is more to this situation than meets the eye. I believe that you have to talk to a psychologist about this.....I simply think that there is something behind all theses feelings that you are not even aware of and you could find out what it is in therapy.
There is nothing wrong with getting some extra help from a professional. I would advise to maybe even try couples therapy and get things out in the open and work through the issues together.
In the meantime, trust me there is nothing attractive or sexy about washing men who are incapable of doing it themselves. I would even say it can be a major turn off.
All the best and good luck sorting this out
Nat

Don't feel threatened by that! It's just a job, and besides, they're just patients! I doubt there's anything there to feel worried about.

And besides, if you can absolutely not shake off the feeling, always remember you can take it up too - as a hobby. I'm sure there are plenty of women out there who'd want to get a washing from you.

;-)

you dont make love because she's probably tired.... as for the other thing.... i can see how it could make you jealous, but look at it this way , if their sick its all shriveled up and probably disgusting to look at , remind yourself to think logically , if you were in her position and bathed women would you necessarily get turned on ? its a job ... not an adventure, treat her x-tra special , flowers, perfume and wear some colonge, make her feel like a women and bring your spark back !!!!

as a home health aide I have bathed several men..my boyfriend used to make rude comments about this such as "is he bigger than me" and what not. I felt degraded as I take my job seriously and would never justify with an answer. Bathing a disabled adult is just like bathing a child..would you bathe a child whom could not bathe themselves?...there is absolutely nothing sexual about it...your wife must have a kind heart ..be proud of that. As for the making love issue..it was a huge turnoff to me knowing my boyfriend was so insecure over my job..think of it this way if you weren't around and your wife was disabled and couldn't bathe herself you would want someone to take care of her ...that's what your wife does..she takes care of people.

I am a nurse and the last thing I think about is a man I have to wash, some of them are dirty and smell and they are heavy and break my back. Believe me when I say we hate to do this it takes so much time and if you are worried about her touching another mans penis let me tell you it is not fun, these people are sick and its our job to take care of them and we wear gloves to protect ourselves. Don't fret over this, a nurses job is slave labor at the hospital for little pay, I'm sure your wife is more concerned with getting the job done and all the treatments and medication and then all the paper work that she has no time to think about a man. If you notice closely she is tired when she comes home and wants you there to support her in this back breaking job. I am sure there are days she just want to quit and go get a massage. Love her for doing this job, it is hard mentally and physically.

i have also been with my fella for twenty years this november and speaking on behalf of the female population i can assure you she will not be getting any sexual gratification from washing men that are unable to wash themselves but what will be troubling her is the fact that the man that she has been with for that amount of time still does not trust her if she has previous form with regards to inferdelity then its not her job thats stirring but old demons coming back to haunt you if she has no previous maybe you have ,

I think this is an issue of ur imagination..if possible visit her at work..cheeck out exactly what she does...and the patients she deals with....i am sure when u see how unattractive they are..u will feel better

If you really think about it, having her wash and dress these men shouldn't threaten you in the least. It would be as much a turn on as caring for a child. If the men can't wash themselves then they couldn't do anything for your wife. No woman is looking to start a physical or emotional relationship with a person who cannot care for themselves and definitely couldn't provide for the woman's physical needs. I would venture to guess that your lack of physical contact with your wife is due mostly from your depression and her exhaustion from her job.

You indicate that this is a new job. Give her time to adjust to the demands of being a nurse and give yourself time to adjust to her new responsibilities. After 20 years I am sure you two have tackled tougher problems. Hang in there!

Sounds to me like it is something deeper than the fact that she is cleaning men with problems. Its not like they sound like the kind of person that you could feel threatened by.

Is it more likely that if it is a new proffession that your wife has mostly been a housewife and looked after children and is now having a career for herself? I can understand that you would feel threatened by that. It may she is showing mroe interest in her job than you at the moment ut if she is new to it then anybody would, it will calm down i am sure.

It would change the dynamics of the marriage. Perhaps you just need to relax a little and let her get on with it. If you don't like what you are hearing she has to do at work then don't ask and you can't think about it then.

Perhaps put some effort into some kind of treat like a weekend away, after all if she is now a nurse she would probably appreciate a break and would then know that you appreciate her and her effort.

you need to step away from this fear asap! Your wife is doing a wonderful job helping those less fortunate than yourselves.
Why would you feel threatened by your wife washing a man that is not in a position to do this himself - also the majority of these men will be rather old and unattractive!
I can assure you your wife doesnt be washing away thinking oh my husband is way smaller/bigger whatever than this guy and getting some peverse sexual pleasure!
Shes doing a job - you cant live your life competing with those less fortunate than you - grow up and start concentrating on working at your marriage rather than bringing unnecessary grief to it.

Hey Man, get a grip of yourself, she is doing a job for christs sake, those poor sods who cant look after themselves, would you go & do it, just put yourself in their position if you possibly can, as you might be their one day (there but for the grace of god) i have been married for almost 40 years & my wife has been a care worker for the last 5 years, doing exactly what your wife is doing, & remember it takes 2 to tango, u have a serious head problem & i would go & see a shrink if i were you, you are only thinking only of yourself, so pull yourself together, u idiot

she is in the same position as a doctor. She does not see the person just the job.

theres nothing sexual in cleaning people - unless your in a relationship with that person.
its just a job to your wife.
you have put a barrier up between you so making love probably isnt top of her mind.
You need to change the way you think about this and soon.
if theres something on your mind in particular - just ask her and im sure she would tell you the truth.