Help - Should I send my 3yr old daughter away to save money?

I've been accepted to a nursing program but the problem is that I'm totally poor. I wont be able to work and as such we can't pay for childcare. My mother has offered to take her for the next 2 years but I feel like such a horrible mother.

I feel so bad that I'm so poor that I cant keep my daughter. Granted that my financial situation will be different in 2 years but I worry about the emotional effects.

Any advice?

My mom lives 3 hours away in the country and I cant live with her too. With my busy schedule I know I wont be able to see her much but at least she will be around other kids, as my mom has 4 kids that she has adopted.

I dont wont her to go but its that or continue to live in proverty.

Your stuck between a rock and a hard place, aren't you. If you can see the BIG picture and realize that this move will be the best thing in the long run....then the best thing would be to let your daughter stay with your Mom. If your Mom is offering to keep her, then she must be seeing the big picture too. You can always call, e-mail, and then do the normal visits. You don't have to abandon your daughter completely. She will eventually know that you did what you needed to do so you could give her the best life possible. In 2 years she won't even have started school yet....so the transition back to you won't be that difficult.

Could you also live with your mother?

In two years, you will no longer be her mom. Your mom will be. Doing that will change her relationship with you for life.

Well i believe you should let your daughter stay with your mom until you get back on your feet.

please do whatever you have to to stay together. a baby girl needs her mama

How far away will you be when you go to school? You dont have to totally be out of her life do you? Alot of ppl do what you are thinking about and the kids are fine. Think about all the parents in the military both parent go away and family takes care of them. This is a hard decision to make but think about all you will be able to give her when its over. As long as you know 100% that she will get the love and attention and be safe while you go to school it sounds like you will both have a brighter future if you do this.
Good luck with your hard decision!

Does your mom live far from you?
If not, you could visit her everyday! :]

I really don't have much advice on this.. BUT- I hope you the best!!

& it's not like you are giving your daughter up.. and not getting her back!!
(I mean that in the best way. Please don't take that rude.)


On her emotions... I really don't know what to say..
I'm sure she will be sad, but if you call her and talk to her a little... maybe that will help her out! Just hearing your voice...

Don't send her away. Preschool years are so critical for her development and she need you in her life right now. Could your mother come and live with you while in your nursing school? Also she is probably old enough to enter preschool and you could probably qualify for assistance so you wouldn't need to pay. Headstart offers these kinds of programs to preschoolers. Check it out and explore other possibilities. Good luck to you!

Im sorry im not going to be much help but i wouldnt be able to live without my baby, not for a single day let alone 2 years. But it is in the best interest of you and your childs future because you need to be able to financially support yourself and your little girl. She will miss you terribly but so long as you are able to see her on a weekly basis i would leave her with your mum until you are financially stable. I hope everything works out for you and your little girl!

stay with your child and maybe move in with your Mom

I know how you feel, I'm in a similar situation. I also feel that I would be a horrible mother if I leave my baby to my MIL to take care of while I'm finishing college, which is another 2-3 years. As of right now, I'm refusing to give my baby to my MIL to raise. I have decided to see how things will be like first, and if things really do get too rough, I'll be glad to let my MIL take care of my baby. Perhaps you can try the same thing too.

I'm not sure about the emotional effects on your daughter. She's still quite young, and she will miss you dearly. She's old enough to understand that you're going to school, but she probably won't understand why you're gone for so long. And in 2 years, she'll be going to school full time too so you won't be able to make up for all the time you two were apart.

Well, you have a tough decision, good luck!!

THIS is an example of when a parent SHOULD get government assistance. Do you know what WIC is? It pays for food, diapers and other baby items until the child is 5yrs old Don't give up your kid up! Get some assistance for a few yrs then all will be ok. Maybe your mom could help you out with some money too.

Here's a link to the WIC site....they'll help you. Good Luck and keep your baby! These are the best times.

Your mother has made you a very good offer.. and why can't you go to your mother's every weekend and call your daughter often? It's not like you are giving her away. spending two days a week with her would be great, even if you have to spend some of that time studying.

I realize what it takes to make a living these days, and i'm proud of you for going to school to be a nurse... it's a great and solid career.

We are all poor when we are young (i'm still poor and i'm not young!)....

I think your daughter will be just fine, especially if she already has a good relationship with your mom...

And another thing -- my son's stepdaughter spends quite a lot of time with her grandmother and always did... sometimes 5 days a week... she loves her mom just the same.. and it's "normal" for her to spend a lot of time at grandma's.... her mother went to nursing school, too.. and this worked out well.

bless you and i wish you all the best.

I would let her stay with your mother. Visit her often and realize that in two years she might not want to leave your mother.

If you have no other choice, then you have to do what you have to do.

But, I think this will be very hard for you. It will also cause a lot of conflict when your mom doesnt always do as you would want with your child. It will be confusing on your child, as well.

I would look for any other option first. Maybe you could find a room mate who is willing to watch her in exchange for free rent. Does your school offer any kind of day care services? I know people shun from it, but have you looked into welfare and foodstamps?