How much do gender roles determine which adult children care for ill parents and grandparents?

I am just in from accompanying my mother this afternoon to the Oncology Center. While there, I had noticed many women who, like me, were assisting what appeared to be their parents or grandparents. But the only other men I noticed assisting older people have ID tags indicating that they were nursing home employees or drivers from medical transport services.

Now, this may have just men a coincidence - it's obvious just one occasion at one location - but it had me wondering whether daughters are more often expected to care for their parents? Are their statistics on this? What are your personal experiences?

Pardon the typos and grammatical errors. I am still a bit upset and winding down.

Check out the Family Alliance of Caregivers link below for statistics and information on caregivers, and, yes, the burden of assisting/caring for our older generations does impact women's lives far more than it does men's. They cut back on work hours, pass up promotions, and quit jobs in great numbers to make time to care for family, etc., etc. And while there are guys who pitch in and who make great caregivers to their parents or grandparents, it's still thought of as 'women's work.' Society still expects us to be the main nurturers when it comes to our elderly. It's a hot topic in caregiver circles where brothers often don't see that they should/could share a caregiver role with sisters.

Unpaid family caregiving is going to be a huge issue as the baby boomers get in that caregiver phase of life. It's just now being recognized as such by feminist groups because there is very little public support and resources for family caregivers and we need to change that.

Edit to D & G below: I totally agree with you. There will be a shift in the way caregiving is viewed as "women's work." Men are becoming more and more nurturing with each new generation---if the trend holds and I hope it will. By the way, I've never been a stay at home house wife.

Thanks for picking my answer as the best. I, too, wish you had gotten more replies. This is an important topic that will or already has effected everyone. Report It

"Gender roles? " " Expected to care for parents? " We are not players in a play, who have roles assigned to us by some amorphous entities such as " culture " and " society ", but are real people with normally distributed behavior and a long evolutionary history.

My dear Gnu. I know of nothing in the literature on this, but if it turned out, ON AVERAGE, that women were more inclined to do this duty, ultimately, I would not be surprised.As for you doing it, we study populations, but there is such a thing as individual people. A continuous consideration not appreciated much in social science.

I'm not sure that it's about expectations, but in my family it's mostly the daughters who've looked after their elderly or sick parents. The exception is with my father's mother - she only has sons and only one of her sons looks after her when she has to go into the hospital. Maybe it has to do with how close the child is to the parent. More of the daughters in my family have stayed close to home.

Generally, women care for grandparents and the sick. Sometimes, assistance from concern men are needed especially for the physical efforts in lifting the patient.

My mother was bidridden for almost seven years before she passed away. My youngest sister hired two ladies to attend to her needs while we are at work in office. So far, its okay but hands on from us totally different from someone else not related or just paid to do the job on our behalf. My mother was blind totally due to glaucoma. I really felt sorry for her and I missed her so much.

Now that your mother is still alive, please have more patients and courage to take care of her without any limitations. Do everything for her in God's well.

I'm not sure about the statistics but I think it depends on other factors beyond gender. Who's the most responsible and dependable? Who's life isn't "busy" with family, work or other obligations? Who lives closer? Who didn't object or come up with an excuse faster than the rest of the family?
I think children...regardless of gender should take care of their parents and grandparents in old age. They took care of you...time to return the favor.
I'm the youngest daughter and I know I'll be the one taking care of my parents. I know I'll be the one trusted with their finances (they've told me). It wasn't because of my gender...I'm just the most trustworthy and responsible child. I'm not sure that I would leave it up to my siblings to make sure my parents were doing okay. (Past experience)

I am a long term care "expert". It is women who perform the majority of uncompensated care for elders or chronically ill relatives. Studies range from 70 to 95 %. The differences are because of what is included in the criteria for uncompensated care.

i think that mothers and daughter usually have a very strong bond or a very abusive bond. there is no middle ground. i know that when the time comes, me and my younger brother will both care for my mother. we both have a strong bond with her; she is my best friend and he loves her more than anything.

i think that there are many men that care for their mothers, but in different ways. for example, my mom has 7 siblings. 4 girls, 3 boys. my mom took my grandma in a few years ago and helps her/supports her. my uncles help, but instead of taking my grandma to the doctor's appointment or letting her live with them, they send money. My grandma appreciates it, but i know she would like to see them more.

i think that overall women are expected to care for their mothers, just like women are generally expected to care for everything. this is why when a woman decides to not have children, some people look at her as if she is odd for not having the "nurturing" gene. but really, i think it depends on each individual family.

Right now it is mostly woman that are taking care of their aged parents or grandparents. I think that this may change in the future. I believe the reason that it is mostly woman right now for your generation I mean is because a lot of woman in your generation were housewives. They took care of the home and the family. There is nothing wrong with this, That is just how things used to be. The men worked outside of the home and provided the woman provided by taking care of the home and the children. So the men of your generation believe that the women are more capable or right for the caregiver position than they are. Now in my generation both husband and wives tend to work outside of the home. I think it will come into balance when our parents are elderly. I think the responsiblity is going to shift to the one that is more capable fiancially to take care of the parent, Whether it is a son or a daughter

I'm guessing quite a bit in traditional families with housewives. The women take care of children, sick family members, and the elderly.

I'm guessing not so much in non-traditional families, where the care is either outsourced to a paid caregiver or the spouse who can most easily take time off work does it.



PS: Best of luck to your mother in her fight against cancer.

I do believe that there will be a turn around about this,when it comes to "will more men cared for their elderly parents".
The only thing I've observed so far is that some men feels
"uncomfortable" taking that role,because of the duties that comes along with it.

Because more women were stay at home workers, they were the ones to travel to their elderly parents home and cook and clean and nurse them. Now, because women work outside the home and have the responsibilities of a career, it is harder to schedule such unpaid caregiving.
My mom took care of both of her parents, in their home and then, lastly, in her own. She had one sister who lived further away and was a nun and five brothers, one who was a priest.
The nun and the priest came less than once a month. Other than that, my mom had all the responsibility.
The daughters step up. Many sons contribute money but do not help in other ways. Some lucky people have a son and daughter in law who both help. We baby boomers are becoming the caregivers. We will do what we must.
So sorry to learn of your mother's illness. I will keep you in prayer.
C. :)!!