Verbally abusive parent in hospital...how often do I have to visit.?

I do everything for her and yet she treats me horribly. I have private nurses and pay everything.. how often do I have to subject myself to her telling me how unacceptable I am at her visits?

You just tell her. You have nothing to hide. If you do not like the way you are being treated, no matter who it is, you put a stop to it. If she doesn't like it, too damn bad. She's ignoring the fact that you don't like what she's doing.

Just tell her that she's not appreciating all that you are doing and you have come to the conclusion that you have had enough and it will stop now!

Don't forget who's in charge here. You have the power. Take the power and threaten that if it keeps up after you wanted it to stop, she will never see you again. Good Luck

You sound like an adult. If you are, you don't have to visit at all. Your only responsibility is financial responsibility.

It's okay not to have toxic people in your life, even if they're family.

As much as you can put up with her and as little as you can without feeling guilty sounds like just the right amount.

you don't

I think when they get old, or even when they are a parent. They are somewhat envious of the lives their children live. Most older parents nowadays were not in love when they met, they did not have opportunities like you and i to date, explore, travel. I think their lives were just plain stay at home mom with no benefits. They take it out on their children because they don't know better. Don't take it personally, if it effects you too much, i would go once a week, or once a month whatever works for you...good luck

SOUNDS LIKE MY MOM I NEVER DONE ANYTHING SHE AGREREES WITH I HAVE LEARNED THAT SHE IS JUST ONE PERSON AND IT DOESNT MATTER MY HUSBAND LOVES ME MY KIDS LOVE ME AND I HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS BUT SHE IS MY MOM SO I HONOR HER FOR THAT AND DO THE DAUGHTER THING AND GO VISIT HER WHNE SHE WAS IN THE HOSPTIAL IN FEB FOR 3WKS I WENT EVER OTHER DAY AND CALLED EVER DAY THEN I KEPT MY GRANDSON FOR 3DAY AND JUST CALLED BUT MY KIDS WENT TO SEE ABOUT HER FOR ME SHE IS GOOD TO THE GRAND KIDS

is this normal? if not, you might try to find the underlying reason for this abuse. possibly, dementia, alzhiemers, or even delerium(which is treatable if dr's determine the cause). a lot of elderly people go through this and never a thought is given to an undiagnosed "disease". be thorough, don't let this behaviour taint your relationship with a loved one. if this has been a lifetime issue, you must let your own conscience make that decision. think about how you would feel if this was the last visit you ever made...

Wear ear plugs and keep visiting, otherwise you might be taken out of the will.

You don't have to put up with that type of abuse. Me personally, I would simple explain to that parent in a calm voice, I love you because you are my mother/father, however, I will not tolerate your behaviour nor your awful words to me like this. If you want me to continue visiting, which I want to, then I ask of you one thing. Treat me with respect and the love that I deserve, otherwise, my visits will stop. I don't deserve this from you or anyone else. Nor will I tolerate it. Do you understand?

If the illness that has caused your parent to behave in this way, than that is different. Such as Alzheimer's, or some other form of character altering illness.

Have you thought that perhaps your parent is also afraid? Sometimes when we are frightened, we tend to bite those close to us.

Just talk to her or him about why they speak to you in the manner that they do. You might be surprised to find that there are underlying reasons for the anger.

Ask her why she feels like she does towards you and THEN put YOURSELF in HER place and LISTEN carefully.Then tell her how she has made you feel over things and then hug/kiss and make up.Life is too short.

You shouldn't have to deal with her treating you like that.
I would say see her the day she is getting out, drive her home and be done with it.
Good Luck.

Does she have alzhiemers if so sometimes they get that way and the next day back to normal Has she always been like that Simply tell her Mom I am doing everything I can to make your life comfortable and I Love You If you do not feel this way I am sorry Mom your language toward me hurts and is not ecceptable and I am doing the best I can Sounds like you have provided well for your mom She might be upset because she can not help herself and she is not in control and she the parent has to rely on you the daughter When she starts simply say I know you are hurting but speaking to me that way is not acceptable and I will not tolerate that behavior If you would like to speak to me in an nonabusive manner I can speak with you If not I am going for a coffee Do this nicely do not raise your voice .Tell her you need to learn to speak to me in a positve manner Like a child reinforce this gently each time you visit She will be mad as the devil first but people have to learn words are worse than wounds they last longer

Gosh! Seems like she is controlling person and intimidates you, she has been doing it all her life, and you have tolerated her for all these years, she knows you are not going anywhere, she likes to make you feel guilty and whatever you are doing is not enough for her, she is testing your patience and playing head games, just like my mother and I know exactly how you feel.
You cannot argue or fight with her or beat her up.....lol
Well! Best remedy is to ignore her and DO NOT go to see her, that would do the job they cannot stand that.
Good luck

You don't have to tolerate it at all. She does this because she can and she has no respect for you. If you visit make it short and sweet and if she is abusive tell her you do not appreciate it and leave. You can stop paying for private nurses and if she cannot afford it have her go through social services to get the support she needs. I wish you well.

Once a year will be fine.