I am studying Paliative care for Nursing and have some questions about the Muslim faith and the dying person.
A male client of mine is dying. He is Muslim from Syria with strong religious beliefs. His 2 son's have arrived from Syria to be with him and support his wife and 3 young son's. With whom would I need to discuss final arrangements with?
And why?
Why would his family remain distant and display little emotion?
Thank you to anyone who tries to answer these questions. I would discuss it with the men in his family. Muslims are to be washed by people of the same sex and wrapped in a white shroud and burried as soon as possible after death.
About the distance, that can be any number of things. Maybe they are not close. Maybe they don't show it in front of you.
As Muslims we generally know a lot more details about death and the afterlife than people of other faiths. We know every sould must taste death. THIS IS NORMAL. We wash the bodies of the dead and are told we should remember death and visit graves as a way to remember that way we don't get so carried away with THIS LIFE and become too attached to it. The true goal for us is the "hereafter"; paradise. This world is an illusion of sorts and is just a test.
We are told we can cry and grieve but we are not to wail and make a big show and say "Why? Oh, Why?" and stuff like that because if we do that we are on some level rejecting our beliefs and our faith.
Hope that helps you understand better.
I forgot to tell you: When one dies we say "From God we come and to Him is our return". This is a very comforting thought for Muslims and quite frankly I would think it would be comforting to most people that believe in God. Glad I can help. May God reward you for all the work you do, I could never have that kind of patience. I really admire it! Report It
They may be wary showing emotion in front of you, there are also big touch taboos in those parts of the world which can easily be seen as a lack of emotion or affection.
Can you ask him who you should discuss matters with? I have a feeling the correct answer is the eldest son, but frankly I would ask the wife that question directly and she should be able to tell you. Arrangements should be discussed with him & followed if able. If not then the sons.
Most of those in the middle east show little emotion until the actual death. I presume it's because they believe with life & prayer there is always a chance of recovery. Then when it happens it often becomes the other extreme with wailing, beating the chest, etc. Basically it's just a different culture as much as the religion. ask him, whom to discuss with and do what he suggests. i think that will be the best thing to do. Most Muslims have such firm faith that they will not show their sadness until the time of death, because there is always the possibility that Allah (God) will heal the dying person.
Another reason for what appears to you as a lack of emotion may be due to the Muslim belief that death is part of the Decree of Allah, and to be angry and upset at the time of death of a loved one would be like showing anger towards the Will of Allah.
At the time of death, Muslims are not permitted to wail, slap the face, beat the chest, tear the clothes etc (even though some misguided Muslims do this). It was strictly forbidden to grieve in this way by Prophet Muhammad (sall'Allahu alayhi wasalam) because it is considered that the deceased is punished if his relatives wail.
**Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar : Sad bin 'Ubada became sick and the Prophet along with 'Abdur Rahman bin 'Auf, Sad bin Abi Waqqas and 'Abdullah bin Masud visited him to enquire about his health. When he came to him, he found him surrounded by his household and he asked, "Has he died?" They said, "No, O Allah's Apostle." The Prophet wept and when the people saw the weeping of Allah's Apostle (p.b.u.h) they all wept. He said, "Will you listen? Allah does not punish for shedding tears, nor for the grief of the heart but he punishes or bestows His Mercy because of this." He pointed to his tongue and added, "The deceased is punished for the wailing of his relatives over him." 'Umar used to beat with a stick and throw stones and put dust over the faces (of those who used to wail over the dead). (Sahih Bukhari, Book #23, Hadith #391)**
You can find out more about death and what should be done at the time of death according to the Islamic perspective at the following link: http://www.muhammad.net/islamiat/afterLi...
As for whom you need to discuss the final preparations,you should discuss it with the individual concerned if possible, if not then with his son's or other male relations. It has nothing to do with the Muslim faith.
It is logical to discuss about the arrangements with the eldest son (if he is mature enough) or with the Wife if she can speak your language.
Regarding dispaly of their emotion, even this doesn't have to do with Islam (Muslim faith). I believe there could be some internal issues in their family as you are seeing their little display of emotion.
As far these answers:
1. "are also big touch taboos in those parts of the world ......"
"Most of those in the middle east show little emotion until the actual death....."
My Qn to these fellows:
Did you visited those parts of the world and saw poeple displaying their grief for a dead one, if not shut your mouth.
2. "....it often becomes the other extreme with wailing, beating the chest, etc"
My Qn: It too has nothing to do with Muslim faith, as it doesn't ordain Muslims to keep quiet untill the last moment and start wailing...after his death . This happens with the lower class or with the low educated people, it has nothing to do with the religion. As in my country I see even the Non-Muslims doing the same on the death of his closest.
" Tell him that his virgins are waiting for him in paradise....."
Qn: Unofrtunate that if you are an Ex-Muslim. This shows that you haven't got the full & the true knowledge. A person calling himself a "Muslim" doesn't guarantess him to enter into paradise. Acheiving paradise soley depends IF AND ONLY IF his good deeds that he earn in his life exceeds his bad deeds.
And Allah (God) knows best. Probably they don't like him, His heirs are waiting for his death, So that they can distribute his wealth, Or perhaps they are fedup of his illness and expense. Or they have accepted will of Allah that he will go back to his Creator, But this has nothing to do with religion, This is more likely human behaviour in circumstances. I'm proud of you for your concern on other people faith..
for the final arrangements, it would be better to talk to his oldest son.
and about the little emotion from them, its just that god's know what in their heart..muslims are not allow to wail and over reacted because its make the dying person emotionally feel guilty..the best way is to pray to god for his health or read Yasin for him... Death is never the full stop of life, it's only a comma that seperates this world with the eternal world. As human nature everyone goes in emotion while relatives are dying. Muslims are adviced not to over act or display emotions as making sound, chest beating etc. A normal Muslim's life is reminded of this very truth of death repeatedly in life. In 5 times prayers a day, In our discussion, in the weekly friday sermons etc. The whole purpose of living in this world is to Know and worship the creator God and prepare for that endless life before all of us. The firm in decree of Allah also are the reasons for the patience you see in them. So death is a truth which we all have to face it. A true Muslim is never afraid of death but death is afraid of him. The eldest son is to be informed of situations. Thanks for asking about Muslim faith. You have a good heart. Although the events after death have been described already and will prove to be an incentive towards preparing ourselves for the Hereafter, I wish to list some practices and occasions described by Revered personalities, which will help everybody in their preparations. Only those who are aware of the reality and facts about the Hereafter, can inform us about this and these are Muhammad (s) and his progeny, who are the cause of creation of the Universe. The gist of their teachings is that if anybody has to undertake a journey, he should make preparations for it.
Therefore daily before sleeping, Imam Ali (a) used to announce from the mosque, "O People, get ready and make preparations for your journey of the Hereafter. May Allah have mercy on you. The proclaimer of Death is announcing. Take heed. Be prepared. You will face numerous hazards there." (Nahjul Balagha)
The first occasion of these is the time when one experiences the pangs of death. ("And the stupor of death will come in truth; that is what you were trying to escape" Sura Qaf, verse 19). This is an extremely hard time. On one side there is the intensity of pain and illness, the tongue becomes mute and the body refuses to respond. On the other hand, the crying and wailing relatives and the thought of being separated from them forever, the grief of the children becoming orphans, separation from one's mate and life-partner and from wealth and other worldly goods (in the collection of which one had spent his lifetime): the agony of death, combined with these hardships to be faced after death, all cause this time to be painful beyond imagination. Shaykh Saduq has quoted Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (a) as saying, "If anyone wishes to make the pangs of death easy and light, he should maintain good relations with his relatives and should be kind and gentle with his parents. One who behaves thus will die easily and in his lifetime will not be troubled with paucity and will on the contrary live happily." The Holy Prophet has recommended Sura Yasin and Sura al-Saffat and reading the dua "La Ilaha Illa Allah al-Haleemul Karim..." (There is no power except Allah, the Forbearing and Gracious) to the end in the Qunoot as being beneficial for the time of death. (Recommending of particular Sura and Dua for particular objectives is because of the special meanings contained in them; which if understood and taken to heart have corrective influences upon man).
Second Occasion: Adeela indal-Maut (Satanic thought in death). This is the turning away from the truth to the false and wrong at the time of death. This is because Satan approaches men at the time of their death creating and raising doubts in their minds to the extent that one's correct faith may be completely shaken. One may even become bereft of it and he may die an infidel or faithless. Traditions advice us that as a safeguard one should be in the habit of recalling USUL AL-DEEN with its proof so that when he is reminded of the Usul al-Deen on his death-bed and in TALQEEN, certainty of his faith would prevail and doubts would cease. Dua-e-Adeela in Mafatihul Jinan is also helpful and should be read at the death-bed. Reciting the Tasbih of Hazrat Fatima (a), wearing Aqiq (Carnelian) ring, reading Sura al-Mu'minun on Fridays, reading "BISMILLAHI LA HAWLA WALA QUWWATA ILLA BILLAH" after Morning and Maghrib Prayers, are all beneficial.
Third Occasion: Wahshat al-Qabr (Fear and horror of the Grave): This is more severe, and fearful than the previous occasions. When the body is brought near the grave, it should not be put into it at once. Since this is a very fearful time, it should rather be prepared for it by breaking the journey thrice (Manzil), because the spirit still retains interest in the body. The Holy Prophet has said, "The most fearful time for the dead is their first night in the grave. Help your dead in this time of need by giving charity on their behalf and by praying for them (Salaat al-Wahshat). In this prayer in the first rakat, one should read Ayaat al-Kursi after Sura al--Hamd and in the second Sura al-Qadr ten times after Sura al-Hamd. Alternatively, Sura al-Tawheed twice in the first rakat and Sura al-Takathur ten times in the second rakat. ( i.e. after Sura al-Hamd). Also beneficial is reading "LA ILAHA ILLA ALLAHU AL-MALIKUL HAQQUL MUBEEN" (There is no power except Allah, the King, the Right, the Manifest) 100 times daily and reading Sura Yaseen every night before sleeping.
Fourth Occasion: Constriction in the Grave: This is also a difficult time. The grave calls out everyday. "I am the rest-house of the travellers. I am a house of horror and also of Respect." For some, the grave will be a garden from amongst the gardens of Heaven and for others a pit from the pits of Hell. Imam al-Sadiq (a) has said that nobody can escape this constriction, but there are practices which can prove helpful in this regard. e.g. 1) Imam Ali (a) has said that reading of Sura al-Nisa every Friday will save one from constriction. 2) One who makes a habit of reading Sura al-Zukhruf will remain safe from the constriction and beasts in the grave. 3) Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (a) has said that whoever dies between Thursday noon and Friday noon will be spared constriction. 4) Imam al-Ridha (a) has said that the habit of night prayers keeps one safe from constrictions. 5) The Holy Prophet (s) has said that reciting Sura al-Takathur before sleeping helps to ward off constrictions. 6) People buried in the sacred land of Najaf are also spared constrictions.
Fifth Occasion: THE QUESTIONING BY MUNKIR AND NAKEER: Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (a) has said that one who does not believe that questioning will take place in the grave is not a true faithful. These questions have been already mentioned. Reading Talqeen twice before the burial is completed is very beneficial but specially (and maybe only) if the person had these beliefs and thoughts in his lifetime.
Sixth Occasion: BARZAKH : Barzakh has been discussed already. It is a time of extreme helplessness. Deeds done for the dead and the benefits arising from one's previous deeds are the only useful things at this time and most fearful day.
Seventh Occasion: DAY OF JUDGEMENT: It is the harshest and severest. There are fifty stations in the Day of Judgement; each more difficult than the previous one. We hope that you, dear reader, will pray for us. |
