What should I do I'm 23weeks pregnant?

My boyfriend is fed up of me being so insecure. I hate the way I look as i have auburn hair and pale skin. Girls these days dress like tarts, dolled up lovely, and men love them especially blonds. My boyfriend gets so annoyed and has said to me he is ****** if he stays with and ****** if he gets rid, due to maintanence fees. I have no parents, no family nearby and no friends. Just one or two. I work as a theatre nurse in keighley, but live in Leeds, so its along way to travel. People don't like me as i'm quite and reserved, and I'm very anxious. How come some girls have loads of confidence, it seems to me its all about sex, girls ahve to be tanned, blond and slim to pull. I just feel like the world is against me. My boyfriend has had enough of me taking it out on him and i can't go out and have a laugh like other girls as i don't have any confidence. I think its too late, don't know what I should do? Maybe adapt the baby as i'll be an unfit mother?

Wait another 13 weeks, I guess...

Get therapy.

How old are you?

I think what's important right now for you is to think and care about your baby. I'm sure once the baby enters the world at least your feelings will change a lot. You've to find what you believe you're good at and build off of that for confidence. No one is going to give you confidence, you've to build it yourself. Just continue to move forward with your life and try to think positive.

Don't do that beacuse you will regret it you need to speak to your GP about this they will talk to you and help you about feeling insecure don't let ur bf's worries about having to pay for the baby decide anything!! you need to speak to a real person your GP will understand and hear this all the time so get urself an appointment. And yes it is about having died hair, sex and AIDS follows be proud not to be like them not insecure!

Call a councelor. You aren't unfit. You just need to talk to someone. It will be better when you have the baby. You can love that baby and it will love you unconditionally. Just give yourself a chance and quit putting yourself down. It is going to bring your boyfriend down and you will only be miserable.

Why are you gonna be an unfit mother?
I think you need some counseling and quickly!

Girl, you are f*cked up in the head. You sound miserable with your life and im sure its making your boyfriend miserable. You deal with serious depressing issues. Is this how you want to live your life?

I suggest you get counseling ASAP- this is no way to live! Do it for YOURSELF your boyfriend and your BABY for gods sake!

Who the feck says you will be an unfit mother????? If he wants a blonde tart (no offence to blondes intended - I am one!) then let him go find one. If he is being so vile now, I suspect you could well be better off without him. If you are working as a theatre nurse, you are a bright girl - use your brain honey - you have as much chance of being a great mom as anyone else. You are letting this man put you downj - stop it NOW.

Wow, your boyfriend is horrible to you. It's not only your self confidence that's the problem. It's this demeaning boyfriend. Remember this. When you are going out with someone you have to believe that they are with you because they really like you. Therefore you should have confidence in the relationship. If they constantly tell you otherwise I would leave them. You are the master of your own destiny.

I can see why your confidence has dropped so low. First of all, you have to forget this idea that only 'tanned blondes' get men - it's totally untrue. Men like VARIETY! Having auburn hair and pale skin is nothing to be ashamed of.
Secondly, I think your boyfriend should be more supportive of you whilst your pregnant - he's actually being a TERRIBLE father-to-be. I suggest getting some councelling/therapy before the baby is born, just to boost your confidence about being a mother. Just because you can't go out and have fun with other girls right now, doesn't mean you'll make an unfit mother. The only reason you should even CONSIDER giving your baby away is if you are financially unstable and/or genuinely think the baby would be better off living without you.
Best of luck with the councelling/therapy and the baby. :]

You need to get some professional help. Speak to your GP. If your boyf is being like this because of how you're being then you need to speak to him. If he is like this usually, then you need to get rid. Maybe you should consider taking some sick leave and visit your family (there must be SOMEONE you can talk to).
Being pregnant is not easy, and seeing girls all dressed up in the summer time while you feel unattractive doesn't help. But try to remember why your boyf got with you in the first place.
Asking for help is the first step.

You won't be an unfit mom. You may want to think about giving the baby up for adoption only to benefit the child, because you feel as though your life is out of control right now. Having a baby won't fix the problems between you and your BF. You need to take time for yourself and learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. Pregnant women are the most beautiful women in the world, so if your BF can't see that then he's not worth it. Love yourself, your body and your unborn baby.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/confidence/l...

Find someone to confide in and help you. Whether it be someone at work or a therapist or someone at a church. If you are already religious, check into what services they have for unweb mothers. You may also find a local LDS church. the Bishops there can help you find the help you need to figure this all out.

http://www.providentliving.org/familyser...

http://www.lds.org/basicbeliefs/meetingh...

You really need to get some self confidence and self esteem. There are gorgeous women with auburn hair and pale skin. I'm a natural blond and I actually dyed my hair auburn all the way through high school because I think it's such a beautiful color.

Life is what you make it. If you think your life sucks then it probably will, if you have a positive outlook your life will be more positive. It's all about your perception.

Work with what you got.

EDIT~I agree with Carol B. If dying your hair blonde and getting a tan is all it will take for you to be confident, then do it by all means.

I just think you feel abandoned by every one that counts and you don't feel you deserve to be loved. However, you do deserve to be loved. I think you need to get into therapy to talk through your problems. even couples therapy wold be a good idea. Most insurances will cover the cost. i also think you should keep your child. That it the most unconditional love of all. Finally as far as feeling like the worst parent in the world, all of us feel that way it's normal. I have an 11 and 10 year old and a scared shitless every day! Do the best you can it will be fine. Just breath!

i didnt intend on being serious this question.. but since its a real important subject.. ill try. honestly.. you sound like a bit of a mess. not your fault tho. societys ****** and your taking a fall. it seems you should pull yourself together.. this way your full attention is raising a good kid.. not split. you dont need the extra stress. if you can do that before your childs born, good. very good, your in touch with reality and how backwords our lives are.. but if you cant manage to pull yourself together.. i think you should secure a good home for your kid. and by the way.. the best looking hair is auburn. dont doubt yourself.

If you truly think you will be an unfit mom, it would be in the baby's best interest if you give it up for adoption.
Your b.f. sounds like a jerk. He's responsible for creating this child and to say he's f**cked either way is his way of saying he's not ready for the responsibility.
If you decide to have this child adopted, dump the b.f. He's impatient and immature.
Take some classes, volunteer, get out more! You've got a lot more on the ball than you realize. I've known people who are so shy they can't even leave their own homes. It's not too late. At least you want happiness.
Remember, the MAJORITY of people aren't blond, thin, with loads of confidence. Most of us know we're average people with good hearts. If you have a good heart, you're halfway there. Good luck to you.

I really dont blame him, but he should have never stayed with you as he has known that from the beginning. I think you are just feeling sorry for yourself, and that is really annoying.

I have plenty of confidence, I am dark headed, normal sized, and Im not that tanned. But I am happy with the way I look, and if I am not feeling that confident, I dont let my bf know.. I never say anything bad about the way I look to him, because I dont want HIM to think anything bad about the way I look.

I say, If you dont like the way you look-- change it! Dye your hair, go to the tanning bed and loose weight... If that is what it takes to get confidence, then do it and stop fishing for compliments from your bf because it sounds like that pond is all fished out.

Keep the baby get rid of the dad. Sounds like he will be no loss anyway. You dont have to be tanned and blond to pull you just have to like yourself. You will make friends when you have the baby, mums and tots playgroups and the like

smile all pregnant women go through the i'm fat stage beitn pregnant is a beautiful thing and so is a smile pale skin is beautiful you don't have to be tan and besided all thet sun only makes you age faster if he wants to leave let him but if he wants to stay work on having a better self image for you and for him if you think you are beautiful chanses are so will he. besides no one wants the to talll to thin blonde bimbo either because they are usually unfaithful just be good to your self #1 nad Be good to your man and be good to your unborn baby and if your man is the one who made you feel this way he needs to go all women are beautiful insind and out god made us all different like snow flakes and you've never heard any one say that snow flake is too this or too that they are all beautiful just like you and every other woman out there

omgoodness, so many problems! Well first, you need to have more self confidence and self respect so that your boyfriend treats you better and that people will start to notice. You should love the way you look, find at least three things good about your self, whether physical or inward beauty. You should not be concerned about other girls, i know that's difficult, but try. You and your boyfriend need more respect and trust in your relationship. You shouldn't ever think it's too late; it is NEVER too late. Have one last cry and move on to a better, stronger, happier you. And about the baby, the choice is yours. Answer this question: Do you love yourself? If the answer is no, then you cannot love your baby, so adoption would be better for the baby, because the baby needs to be loved. And if you do decide to put the baby up for adoption you should leave contacts so that the baby can find you later.

I think you need to talk to someone...

I think firstly you have a very unsupportive boyfriend there (hes a charming fella ain't he?) don't sound like he'll be much good if he stays around, your probably both better off without him.

Your 23 weeks pregnant and very insecure there are supportive organisations even the Samaritans would offer constructive advice on all your options....

I personally know a lot of guys who love quiet redheads not all guys are into blondes... Although insecurity isn't attractive your boyfriend is feeding it with his comments. this is a very important time for you he should be supporting you, if he treat you better you would be filled with self confidence.

First thing to remember that there is always a way and things will work themselves out.
If you boyfriend does not understand the pregnant women in general are going through some major emotional trials. This will not really stabilize until after the baby is born. 6 months or so. If he is not wanting to stand by you and be a man about things, then cut him loose. You and your baby will be much better off without that kind of negative environment.

There is one thing that having kids does for you, it forces you to be more outgoing. New babies are conversation magnets and you will also find that there are many people that want to help you out. If you don't go to church, I would suggest that you find a faith that works for you and you start attending. Not only with it help you with your self esteem issues, it will also help give you a social network so that you can take care of your baby.

Just remember that your baby may feel like huge burden, which they are, but everything will work its self out and there is always a way.

Sweetheart, he is stripping you of any confidence you have left, please dont listen to him I am blonde and i think men have serious relationships with dark haired girls like they take em more seriously or something. I am sure you wont be a unfit mother you are a nurse for heaven sake you must be kind and caring to do that kind of work and i take my hat of to you and what you have acheived he should respect you and you are carrying his child so he should be boosting you at this difficult time you body and mind are going through tremendous change and he should be supporting you i mean what kind of Father is he gonna be if he cant look after you and your well being during making his child. I know yu can block out what he is saying to you but try and surround yourself with people who will support you and make you feel good he sounds like a real looser and he wont know what he has lost til its gone probably. Dont give up on your baby you both need eachother and the love that you get from your baby will overwhelm you and you will never want to let him or her go. please stay strong best wishes x

You are beautiful your body is changing this is natural for a woman to go through. their nothing wrong with you you will be a great mother talk to the ladies in your family are friend the one who have kids ,, it might seen hard but thing will get better. some time pregnant women feel this way I cant explain why after you have your beautiful baby everything will be all right .are surf the web and find you a group that has the same problem you are having your not the only one . that feel this way they could help you.

first of all, get a grip of yourself. You have to accept yourself no matter what type of people are around you and dislike you. Love your hair and your skin and don't be soo focused on other women with tans or blond hair because if you want to you can get a tan and dye your hair. You can either change your appearance to become a simple imitation, or change your appearance to look the way that you want to look. It's never too late to change, you have to be willing to. You can sit there and mope or take action, it's up to you. If you really want things to get better you have to fight for it. And if the world is against you then it's against everyone because everyone is going through something, but not everyone allows their problems to rob them of life. Are you going to allow your problems to cause you to give up your baby, or will you face them head on and be a fit mother. You are only unfit if you allow yourself to be.

how are u an unfit mother u have a place to live and a job and a computr...but low confidence wont mattr wen u have the baby because all u think about is trying to make a gud life for the baby and u shuld tell urself that U HAD SEX n HAVE A BABY so someone likes u and the way u lok but usualy if u jus started feeling this way *well jus started wen ur pregnate* HORMONES* and tell ur boyfriend actually thank him for noticing u since u have low confidence and saw that u really r happy he is ther for u make him feel gud every now and again....expecially in a time like this *bein pregnat* its bettr to have someone....hope it helps

Have you tired talking to a professional about how your feeling they might be able to advise you best. Or even direct you to pregnancy groups, you'll find people you have something in common with there making it easier to break the ice, you can make friends and they will be some form of support for you. I think attending a group would be best but if you dont feel comfortable with that maybe use the net to find people to become friends with and for support.
Your relationship with your boyfriend doesnt sound the best try taking a break from each other it might give you both a chance to realise your own priorities.
I think no matter what you should TRY and sort somethings out before the baby arrives if possible otherwise things will just get harder.

Has this just come up since you became pregnant or has this been an ongoing issue?

Your boyfriend is with you because he cares for you and thinks you're pretty. He isn't with a blonde "tart", he's with YOU.

People are avoiding you because of the negative vibe you're constantly putting out, not because you have auburn hair and pale skin. It's not all about sex. It's about being a good person, being comfortable with yourself, and having a good sense of humor.

Try to take it easy on your boyfriend. There's nothing here to take out on him and he doesn't deserve it.

I don't know why you think you are an unfit mother. Have you talked to your doctor? This sounds a lot like depression to me.

Give yourself a break-I think you are probably too hard on yourself. You seem to be aware of your short comings so that is really half the battle. Everyone feels down sometimes. Now you need to get in touch with your attributes and challenge yourself.
If you don't like the way your life is, then you need to start taking steps towards making it what you want. Easier said than done I know, but at the same time true. If you are not able to be happy with yourself then 'the men' won't be either no matter what you look like. Confidence will follow.
I would suggest seeing a counselor. Not because you are being crazy, but because it would offer a more in depth objective view to your entire situation.

So sad that you have bought into the unrealistic view of women portrayed by the media. You sound lovely, really - and think---why would thousands of women be spending tons of money to get their hair dyed auburn, hmmm? And look at models carefully -- the ones advertising make-up almost always have pale porcelain skin. Because it is pretty!!

You are right that too many girls don't value themselves and dress like tarts, but that doesn't mean you have to do it to find acceptance.

I suggest you get some counseling to help you develop a more positive self-image, and also find some ways to help you cope with your anxiety.

Your boyfriend chose YOU, NOT some blond tart, right?? So something in him was attracted to your lovely auburn hair and porcelain skin.

I'm certain, too, that more people like you than you may be aware of. Perhaps you are just feeling unstable because of the uncertainties in your life. The main uncertainty for you right now is that your boyfriend doesn't really seem ready to commit to you (I'm talking marriage, the legal and only truly binding commitment) and your baby, you don't have any family and feel like no one likes you, so you are unsure of your future and getting emotional support, just at the time you are absolutely in the most need of it.

Your boyfriend needs to be more considerate of your feelings and not use the f*** word with you so often...instead, he should be doing his f****ing best to support you financially and emotionally. If he isn't willing to do so, I suggest you do make a visit to a lawyer very soon, to ensure that you and your baby will get the financial help you are entitled to by law.