Am I the victim of an alcoholic?

Okay... I met a man 3 years ago. He was 36 and I was 21. He drinks a lot. When I met him I drank when I was with him, partying and stuff. I try to leave and he says things to make me feel guilty. Like everything is my fault. I wound up pregnant with our baby. She is 2 now. She was my fault. If I work I am a bad mom because I am not with our daughter. If I stay home I am a bad mother because now I am not providing. Because I can put food on my table I am a state sponge he says. Although the only thing the state provides to our daughter is medical care because neither of us can afford it. Hes yelling at me tonight. After I took him to the store and bank so he could get his stuff done. I tried leaving and 1.5 years later he acted like things were better and pulled me back in. Now 9 months later I am crying for my freedom again. What do I do? Am I wrong? I will be a single parent if I leave, is that bad? Should I stay and wait it out?

You should definitely leave. If he drinks a lot, he is not mentally stable and is not a good role model for your daughter anyway. I was married to an alcoholic for 16 years and my girls said they were relieved when I finally divorced him. We have been divorced for three years and he is still drinking.

He is too old for you anyway, as you are young and just starting to know what you want and need in a relationship. He also sounds mean and manipulative, hallmarks of an alcoholic. I do hope you will get out now!! If you feel unsafe, go to a women's shelter. Also, consider alanon, if you think that might help you understand how you have put up with his behavior.

Think of your daughter and how his yelling and abusive behavior is affecting her and that will make your decision easier.

tell the loser to pay,, after all it was both your faults,, his penis was there,, it wasnt attached with velcro and you stole it,

leave him.. it sounds like your not happy with him and yalls child doesnt need to grow up seeing you two fight all the time.. im sure being a single parent is hard, my sister pretty much is and shes a touch younger than you.. but shes always got her family to lean on and i hope you do too.. best wishes

Girl please get outta there!! You dont need to put up with that. You need to be there (mentally) for your daughter, and it's hard w/him yelling about things that are'nt sensible. If you leave, you wo'nt be the first or the last single parent.

You grab that baby and get the hell out of there. There are womens shelters in almost every city.Yes he's an alcoholic they pull you in and use every crutch to keep you but never think he loves you more than that bottle.He loves that drink more than himself right now.It will get worse i bet he has already hit you.Please take your daughter and go ,don't teach her this is the way its suppose to be good luck

If this man is your husband then try working it out. You mention that there is a child by him and doing your best to do the right things. He is belittling you for reasons I cannot tell. Now no one has to take any harsh treatment from a person. It you want to be single it is not a bad ideal. You very much indeed could have an alcoholic on your hands cause this is what women put up with being involved with one. I pray that the decision that you make will be the right one.

Run as fast as you can. To relatives/a close friend, but get away. You"re at a "Dead-End" in your relationship and your life. It's not your own life your living, it's his. If nothing else, think of your daughter. Is this really what you want for her. She should be your Number 1 concern. In 3 years you've grown up and he hasn't changed. I can only assume since you said YOU " took him to the store and the bank" that, 1-He was too drunk to drive, 2-He doesn't have a car or 3,-he doesn't have a license....none of which speak very highly of someone. Alcoholics are famous for relying on guilt trips to hold people in. Take it from someone who's lived it. What you've described isn' t fixable. You don't mention the word "abuse", mental or physical. But right now it is mental. If it hasn't already, it will escalate. They are equally as bad. Only 1 leaves marks you can see, the other doesn't. Your daughter doesn't deserve to grow up with that. What chance in life would that give her. And you mention being a single parent...A good single parent is far better than 2 parents together in a volatile relationship. But you won't be able to do it alone. Reach out to someone close. You'll need their support. You will be shocked at the people who have been observing what your going thru, that will come forward and tell you they were afraid to say anything. Are u a "bad mother"...Only if you stay. You obviously know what must be done or you wouldn't be asking the question. That makes u a very good mother but an indecisive one. None of this is your fault and YES, you are the victim of an alcoholic....get moving before someone gets really hurt. Good luck,....Arizona Cowboy