Mislabeled?

Ok long story but I'll try to sum it up the best I can. I have known I wasn't straight for as long as I can remember. I was terrified of my sexuality so I ran from it. I wound up married with 3 children before I actually came out. And even then I stayed with my huband for the kids. I labeled myself as bi. That was ONE of the biggest mistakes of my life. I ended up leaving my husband and tried to come out as the lesbian I truly am. I am constantly being second guessed. "I thought you were bi?" "You're just confused." "You'll end up going back to men." WTF? I haven't been fully out for long, but it's been long enough to know that lesbians are very trusting of bisexual women (or formerly mislabeled bisexual women... if that even makes sense). How do I get past all this? And for cryin out loud, why do I even care what people think? Probably cause I'm that kinda person.

most of the lesbians I've talked to either knew right off the bat or labeled themselves as bi until they were sure they were lesbians. Nothing wrong with that. Your friends probably just thought you were bi and didn't think much about it, then you threw them a curve ball. Honestly I wouldn't let it get to you if you can, which I know is very hard. It took me a while to figure myself out, and I'm still figuring it out. So you aren't alone in the least. Keep your head up and try to either explain to them or leave it alone and just live your life. Good luck

they're probably just used to knowing you as "bi" they need a little more time to come around

I get so angry about comments like that! I've never been with a man but because I'm a stone femme people think I'm not "really" gay. (I was just complaining on another question about some idiot who told me I was "too pretty to be gay"- jerks!) I try my best to ignore it. I think it's petty and misogynistic and it doesn't matter to me what anybody thinks.

I would answer all those questions with "Well, no, I was actually never interested in men. My marriage was a farce, as so many are. I've had a lifetime to consider this, so I'm pretty sure I'm not confused about how I feel. If I can be married and have three kids and then call myself a lesbian, I'm pretty sure I'd know. Thanks for you concern."

Just ignore them. Over time the questions and comments will fade into the background. Most of the bisexual questions are because you labeled yourself that way. Even some of us who don't mislablel ourselves as bisexual get those comments sometimes. Ignore them. The comments will stop. Just think about the comments people make about other relationships and how they get proven wrong and the comments eventually stop. You should know at least one relationship that everyone said wouldn't last 6 weeks.

There seems to be lots of womyn out there who are lesbian but once did the "married-with-kids" things before they came to terms with their true selves. Maybe you're just having trouble finding them. They're out there....don't worry, you're certainly not the only one!

find new lesbians to associate with, or get used to it.

i've never known of a lesbian changing her mind about bisexuals, except from good to bad. which is a d*mn shame.

Most lesbians really don't think anything bad about bisexuals, but the ones who do think that bisexuals are somehow traitors, or fakers, or cheating scumbags. I don't get it, so I won't try to explain that.
People are also reluctant, and maybe even afraid, to think about sexual orientation changing over time. I'm not saying yours has, it might have, and it's not hard for someone to see that might. Truth is, there are quite a few people who's sexuality shifts. There's no radical change, just a shift. That scares people, because a lot of people grab that and run with it... in the wrong direction. They use that to support that gays are contagious and not natural, and that it's 'curable'.

And you care for the same reasons all of us do. You just figured out something about yourself that you believe to be important, and you want people to acknowledge that and support your self discovery. Good luck.

IDL: I Defy Lables