Do you like my short story? Fantasy horse?

Fantasy Horse
Written By: Alexis R
鈥淚 love you! Don鈥檛 leave, stay with me!鈥?My beautiful Pegasus was slipping away thanks to my sister, Serena. We are related by blood, but she is the most evil person on earth. She鈥檇 been completely taken over by the darkness inside her, so I have I have to destroy her. I could feel my blood boiling; I鈥檓 going to kill her. I gently let my Pegasus鈥檚 head on the ground, so he could fight for life.
鈥淵ou鈥檙e cruel! He鈥檇 done nothing to you, and you try to kill him!鈥?br> 鈥淲ell it was the only sure way to let you actually be set free. Now fight me, with all your power!鈥?I pulled out my sword from its sheath, as she did to. We circled each other, and then I lunged at her. My sword was pointed strait to her stomach. Serena blocked the attack with her own sword.
鈥淒o you really think that you can kill me with that thing that you call a sword? Saya darling, you鈥檙e just like me.鈥?I ran at her sword pointed again at her stomach.
鈥淚 will never be like you!鈥?She and I were head to head as our swords met, but she hadn鈥檛 counted on a counter attack. I let my sword slide to her side, and I cut her. Serena held her wound.
鈥淪aya, you impeccable wench!鈥?The cut was deep, but she got away. At that time, I didn鈥檛 care if she did. All of my attention was focused on Pyro, my beautiful Pegasus.
鈥淧lease don鈥檛 go. I can鈥檛 live without you!鈥?br> 鈥淚 will try, but my wound is much too deep.鈥?He said with no fighting in his voice. 鈥淚 can only fight for so long.鈥?br> 鈥淭hen I will stay with you, and we shall fight together.鈥?I held his hand to my chest, and tears filled my eyes. I silently cried.
鈥淧lease do not shed tears for me. I my life started when I met you, and now I have lived it to the fullest. I love you too.鈥?
鈥淣o! Please don鈥檛 go!鈥?My tears were falling onto his cheek. And then something happened. As my tears fell, his wounded body lifted into the air. A white mist covered the ground, and I could not see. My eyes fell upon a dark shadow coming towards me.
鈥淪aya, it鈥檚 me.鈥?br> 鈥淧yro, is that you?鈥?It drew nearer, and the figure was human. It couldn鈥檛 be him. We were now face to face, and he had wonderful blue eyes, just like Pyro. He put his hand on my cheek, and came towards my face. His pink lips kissed mine, and with it I knew it was him, my beloved Pyro!

.....Wow. Pretty impressive. Oh who am i kidding that was amazing! it was so breathtaking. Within the first few words, i was sucked into the story, and i felt as if i were standing there beside Saya and Pyro, sharing the love and grief shared by the two. I too write stories, and i was fascinated: i don't write fantasies: i write realism. But ya know, ur short story kinda inspired me- maybe i'll start!

Thanx for the inspiration, keep writing, can't wait til they're published!!!!!

the style of writing is certainly ok.... you know your english!!!

i like it, keep it up!

It's excellent. It is really sad but portrays how a horse owner would really feel after their horse dies. I love it!!!!!!!!

Lol really exciting, great job

I like it.. but the probs is on the relationship between the heroine and the animal, seems there is something wrong with it.. but still, i like it...

I love your short story! I wish I could do great stories like that.

Its really good! You should be a writer!

Yeah the story was good you should make more and tell them on here. I will be happy to here but one question

SO the peagas turned in to a human

OMG i love this story, its so far fetched and romantic

The begining and middle are fine... but the end is just messed up. Why would you make out with your horse who turns into a human?? This questin should go in the fantasy /or books section.

that was just kinda wierd

oh srry i didn't read it .....too long im lazy .