Ok, I am trying to figure him out and I need help.?

the guy I am dating, is so wonderful, when we are together I feel so special. however sometimes he is standoffish and distant. in the beginning he was much more open. when I bring this up he says he doesn't want to hurt me because he winds up hurting everyone he cares about. he is a very closed off person in general and has few close friends. but I do want to understand him..... please tell me what you think.....

It sounds like he's been hurt in the past and is afraid of making the next step. It sounds like it takes him awhile to trust people and relationships are no different. This will take time. You need to build his trust and his confidence in the relationship. This can be done by talking and being together. The more time and energy you put in the relationship, the more you should be able to get out of it.

You should let him know that you're willing to talk about anything when he's ready. Don't push him to divulge past experiences, this will just make him more distant. Instead, be available and learn what you can about him. Find out his favorites (movies, music, color, food, beverage, etc.).

Patience and gentle persistence will help you the most in this situation.

My guy said that, and he is the best thing that ever happened to me...
He doesn't think he is good enough, and has some self-worth issues.
I still have to sometimes encourage my bf that what we have is good, and he has to for me also.

Just make sure it is not as bad as him having to take depression pills...

It sounds like he has some big issues. Either he needs to talk them out with you or he needs to get therapy for them or something. If you don't have good communication in a relationship, it will never work.

y a

If you really like him stick with him to find out what's going on..........it sounds like he may have been hurt in the past and is being cautious about his feelings.......just show him that you can be trusted and that you won't hurt him

don't spend all of your time trying to figure him out youll only frustrate yourself more...it just sounds like he's been through some things in his past relationships and doesnt want to hurt you by telling you...eventually he will come around and let you know everthing...but for now dnt stress over it...enjoy feeling special and have fun

maybe you need to give him more time to open up again.. because there are lots of people having diffuculty with having realtionship especially when they came from a bad experience.. understand him more.. maybe he is not that ready yet to involve himself in a comittment.. continue on dating.. and build more connection within you and him,.. ^_^

He'll open up to you when he's ready, & not one minute sooner. If you can't wait for that time to come, then I guess that will be too bad for him.

He say's he winds up hurting everyone he cares about, but it seems to me in this situation he's hurting himself the most.

There's no crystal ball for a situation like this so stop trying to "figure him out". When he stops being a fun date, dump him.

I think you should dump that ********* he is probaly cheating.....Thats just a lame *** excuse to use move on

Oh God your story sounds so similar to mine .........all i can say to you is dont expect too much from him and dont try to change him and if and when he is comfortable he will open up and if he doesnt then its your call as to whether you think it will work out or not

I don't want this to sound bad, but it sounds like he's not interested or not as interested as he was in the beginning. Why would he be more open with someone he just started dating that he doesn't know and is now more closed with someone that he has a relationship established with. It would make more sense if he was distant or standoffish in the beginning and becoming more open.

On the other hand I could be completely wrong. Maybe he's starting to have feelings for you and is scared if them so his way off trying to shrug them off is to be distant and standoffish.

I think what you are doing by talking to him about it is perfect. Communicating with him is key. Start off by telling him something positive, ie. I really enjoy the time we spend together. There is something that has been on my mind and I'm not sure I understand it. Tell him how you feel and give him an example of WHAT HAPPENED that made you feel that way. Make sure you don't say something like When YOU did this or when YOU did that. You dont want him to go on the defense. Be very humble to him, too. Make sure you pick a time when both of you are relaxed, not in a bad mood and alone to have this conversation. If he doesn't want to talk about it give him some time. If after quite some time nothing has changed and he still doesn't want to talk about it then he may have a communication issues. It's about impossible to make a relationship work without it and you may have some serious thinking to do about staying together if he is not willing to participate in the relationship.